Keep Looking.

This day always strikes me as being possibly one of the most hopeless days in all of history. Well, for the people who were living it back in 33 AD. The day after Jesus has been crucified. The brutal emptiness and hopelessness they must have felt. Numb. Searching. Unable to probably even process their thoughts. Just knowing that something had gone horribly terribly deadly wrong.

but what they didn’t know was that NEW HOPE was just around the corner. Just one more day. We of course know that it was on the third day that He rose – we get to see that chapter of the book in hindsight. But they had no idea. And I always think, on this Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Resurrection Sunday, how very hopeless that day must have seemed. Kind of like today, the last few weeks, in my very own life. things seem, at times, just a little bit hopeless for Kendall. This medicine or that therapy seems to be not FIXING things, and she seems to be LOSING more weight, and we still have no answers. We don’t even really have a Plan B in place for finding them. We have only our hope and prayers – nothing else.

And today, in such a very real and tangible way, I was reminded how we have to KEEP LOOKING for our Hope, our Answer – not just for Kendall but for our very lives. Jesus Christ, the Great Physician, IS alive today! He is still working in the lives of His children. On Thursday a dear friend sent out a call to some of our closest friends asking them to be our “stand in the gappers” – to fast and pray and seek God’s face for an answer for Kendall on our behalf. The response was overwhelming from people who decided to take this on for themselves – people across the city, some of whom have never even met Kendall, but just felt so strongly the need to pray for our daughter. This morning, some of those who have been fasting and praying gathered in our living room to pray over Kendall together, as one body. It was so touching and emotional and just amazing – and it gave me that renewed sense of hope.

I don’t know what KENDALL’s answer will be, but I know the One who does know the answer, all the answers. I know that tomorrow can change everything – every tomorrow can. You just never know what Tomorrow holds – but you keep hoping and you keep looking and you don’t give up. You never give up.

So while we don’t have any more answers than we had last week – I am hopeful this week. I know that we will someday have the answer. And that in the meantime, my child is in the arms of the only One who can heal her and save her. The best arms possible.

Today has been a good day for her. She is still breathing very raspy. She still coughs a LOT – throughout the day and night. She had a pretty bad episode of projectile reflux vomiting yesterday morning which reduced me to tears because she just could NOT clear the puke from her nostrils or airway and was so panicky. On top of the fact that it never feels good to puke that hard anyways. I was heartbroken for her. Nothing seems to be helping that -  not the medicine, not the new formula…and i know that it’s only been less than a week. But it’s still a panicky feeling – that it seems like nothing is helping. And that no one knows what else to try.

but you know – things change around here in a matter of minutes usually.

we went to Kendall’s VitalStim therapy session on Wednesday morning, and shared with her that we were supposed to see an ENT; long story short, the head ENT at MarianJoy (where she gets therapy) is our ENT! We love him! So he is going to bypass an extra unnecessary appointment and just go right in and scope her (look at her with a camera) on Wednesday. They are looking to see if there’s a structural reason why she can’t swallow – which I guess will help us narrow down what Plan B should be with regard to trying to build up her strength to eat from a bottle or going to the G-tube surgery.

And we were able to get in with another GI specialist next Monday, and maybe he’ll be able to point us towards some more answers.Anyways- all hope is not lost. We just keep looking for tomorrow.

thank you for your prayers and thoughts and help.




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  1. so glad to hear your friends there are looking out for you. I think the joy that is Easter is my favorite, and I am wishing and praying that for Kendall.
    Peace, Kristin

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