How to {Not} Give a Cat a Bath.

You may be thinking to yourself – hmmm – my kitty really needs a bath right about now. And so you are searching on google for “how to give a cat a bath”. I hope this post helps you!

Here is how our cat bath went the other day – complete with illustrations!

IMG_3295 Please pay particular attention to my “sneeze” detail with the green ink, and the Buzz Lightyear helping hold down the wayward corner.

So Ben gets this great idea last weekend from a facebook post that if you wash  the cats in fabric softener, it takes away the proteins of their dander and you are therefore not as allergic to them. and yes, we are all allergic to cats. No it hasn’t stopped us from having them as pets. That is what Claritin is for. anyways – back to the bath. I am not quite sure how Ben thinks we will convince the cats that getting bathed in a slimy coat of fabric softener will be fun in ANY way, but hey – you gotta have a little adventure in your marriage every now and then, right?

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EXACTLY.

 

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Meet the victims kitties.  Tin-Tin who is a pretty laid back cat, Tiberias who has already lost a tooth because he tends to go so flipping wild in “undesirable” situations, and TeaBiscuit, our 8 year old cat who has been through it all. (yes all of our pets names start with T. I have no idea why. It has just been thusly since day 1 of our marriage.)

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this picture came out kind of fuzzy. Let me explain. The size of this piece of paper is pretty much a true life replica of the size of the bathroom. Have you seen the movie “Elf” where buddy is trying to take a shower? Yeah – that’s this bathroom. So Ben and I are packed in there like sardines trying to pin the kitties into the water and they are HOWLING kitty profanities at us.

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The aftermath 3.8 seconds later. Serious horror flick scene with blood everywhere, soaking wet skinny little kitty bodies hanging off of body parts, lots of screaming and meowing and general chaos.

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Post Bath Time Kitty Status: They are pissed.

IMG_3301 TeaBiscuit escaped the torture and was quite proud of himself.

 

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more aftermath.

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And unfortunately that wasn’t the end.

 

Ben is currently sitting in the hospital hooked up to IV’s of antibiotics in an attempt to fight off the infection he got in his hand  – and my arm STILL hurts like a mo-fo where the cat was latched onto it like some kind of crazy furry Lady-Gaga inspired kitty bracelet.

he will probably be in through tomorrow, and be discharged just in time to drive up to the OTHER hospital where Kaylen will be having her surgery to have her tonsils and adenoids removed. and hopefully this stomach bug I’ve managed to pick up will be gone by then because the thought of trying to nurse the two of them while puking my brains out is really just more than I can take at the moment.

And for those of you keeping score at home – here’s the leaderboard of Health Issues at our house:

Ben – cellulitis infection due to cat bite, admitted to hospital for IV treatment

Terra – cold, puking, sore, throbbing arm from cat bite being treated at home

Kealey – HEALTHY!

Karissa – headwound at recess last week seems to be recovering, still has spine on tumor and other assorted “issues” but is functional enough!

Kaylen – surgery tomorrow morning to have tonsils and adenoids removed so we all hopefully sleep a lot better

Kendall – (i’m whispering this so her body doesnt hear me and decide to rebel) – healthy as can be expected!

 

2/6 ain’t bad.

 

sorry i’m not so funny today. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Well, surgery is never fun. But it IS ben’s birthday so hopefully we find a way to have a family celebration of some sort all together.

 

Thanks for checking in on us.

 

terra.

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Comments

  1. I’m with Mary. Your drawings rock. You have absolutely spectacular handwriting as well. I have no advice…but I can say, I would have probably tried it pre-reading this post. Thank you for saving our lives. We don’t have any cats because I’m allergic! Do you have advice on cleaning the goldfish bowl?
    Sarah talked about…Fighting, racing and keeping the faith…

  2. So good to see you back in blogging action. You do know that my favorite thing about you (well, one of) is your drawings. Haute Damn.

    This! Is why we don’t have cats.

  3. not funny!?! Sorry that you are dealing with so many health problems, but I don’t even know you (just a blog follower) and I was laughing outloud looking at your drawing by drawing account of the cat baths 🙂 I can only imagine that our cat Buzz would have been blurting out kitty expletives along with your cats 🙂

  4. “In real life I don’t think those cats were saying that…they were probably more like AHHHHHHH!”-Evah 
    I know, however, that you Terra (being a cat whisperer) CAN actually interpret kitty language. 
    Ben getting sick because of it is too ironic and sucky. 
    Love you guys!  This episode does continue to prove that no matter what the situation, you are courageous! 🙂
    Rebecca talked about…Tyranny of the Urgent

  5. Wow! I hope everyone gets better. Other than the ailments I loved this post. I have been finding ways to sponge bath my older (10 plus years) getting senile, cat. They have a “pet head” foam shampoo that you can wipe off. I’ve also used shampoo on a wash cloth and tired to absorb most of the soap with a tow. I have not tried to submerge her in water and I definately wont after reading this post. I liked the drawins though, a lot.

  6. Wishing you a speedy recovery for everyone sick in your family. That being said, this was hilarious! The drawings really seal the deal on the hilarity. I can’t believe you even attempting a triple cat bath. At least with my dogs I can just throw them in the tub and command them to stay while I suds them up, tails curled under and sad hound faces on display!
    Sarah talked about…The New Made in America Marketplace

  7. Uhhmmm … yeah you just totally gave me a scare. My cat needs a bath so bad, but after this, I think I am going to buy some cat bath in a can.

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