A New Kind of Normal.

Wow – Friday night was brutal. It was like having a newborn, except you didn’t just have to get up and feed the newborn four times, you had to get up and perform semi-complex medical procedures, carefully mix the food, and THEN feed the newborn. I can’t complain, truly. Ben took ALL the feedings and IV’s Friday nite and Saturday nite. I was just done. I was breaking down in tears at every little thing, incapable of making even small decisions, and essentially unable to deal with life. I do not know how Ben was able to hold it together on Saturday – he had to move furniture because we were getting new carpet in (I know, we have impeccable timing with our chaos), deal with the banshees, move carpet back, and still somehow deal with all of Kendall’s needs. I napped and tried to catch up on 8 days worth of sleepless vigils at a hospital bedside and one of the worst weeks of my life.

And I am happy to report that I think it worked. Ben is now tired beyond belief, but I have regained some sense of stability and normalcy. I know it’s still going to be a few weeks before we are even close to being “recuperated” from something like this. And it’s going to be months of therapy and work and schedule adjustments before we have a semi “normal” baby back. But I think we’ll survive. No, I know we will.

Friday night, after all the chaos of coming home and running to the pharmacy (where they had exactly NONE of the meds Kendall needed…), having a small party for Kealey and unpacking our 2000 bags from the car, the home care nurse came to do her assessment of Kendall and teach us how to inject her IV meds, flush her line, not kill her with our ignorance, etc. I have no idea how I retained any of it because I swear to you it was stuff they teach you at the end of nursing school and the poor nurse kept quizzing me and quizzing me (which she had to do, I get it) but I was just so tired!!! I couldn’t even form coherent sentences and my tongue felt about 8 sizes too big for my mouth.

So we’ve made it through our first weekend. No obvious signs of distress from accidental air bubbles in the PICC or dislodging her NG and dumping food into the wrong place. I’m proud of us. I think I’m most proud because when the nurse was packing up to leave on Friday night she said ” You know, I see a lot of couples in this same very stressful situation that you guys are in with a sick baby, and i have NEVER seen a couple that has the teamwork or strength that you guys have in your relationship.” I felt like somehow just that affirmation gave me a little bit of needed strength and hope.

Ok sorry if this post is all rambly-like – Karissa is watching High School Musical 3 and I am distracted by the overacting and ridiculous mush of this movie.

I am now having to start the planning and packing for our trip back up to Lutheran for Kendall’s follow up appointment with Dr. Aljadeff. This will involve preparing the feeding tube in a special way so it can pack into her backpack, making sure I have all her IV meds and saline/hep flushes since she will need her infusion while we’re there, making sure i have her other meds that will go into her NG tube while we’re gone, and then the usual assortment of baby stuff you need for a 3 hour trip away from home. Since I couldn’t find a ride home for karissa from preschool, she will be going with me, and a good friend is watching kaylen (which is huge – I think carting the Kaylenator around with all the other chaos would put me right over the edge!)

And now the fussing begins…

Ok back with more later.


did you see? Terra Talking hit 10000 visitors since last March when I put up the counter! I do’nt know I am so ridiculously excited about this. It just made me smile to see it. I know a lot of you are drive-by reading – LEAVE COMMENTS – it takes like 3 seconds to do and it makes me so happy to read them!

Or better yet – subscribe by clicking on the orange button up there to the right towards the top – enter your email address and you’ll get an email whenever I post updates. Stupid backend web stats make me happy. So indulge me – it’s almost as good as bringing me a pack of Cokes or a piece of Portillo’s chocolate cake (a HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to everyone who HAS brought special treats over the past week! I am still trying to sort out who brought what but I appreciate it all so so much!)


Have an awesome Monday!



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  1. Terra, Ben, and girls ~
    All I can say is, winter hibernation can be a blessing and a curse….Until I spoke with Kim Geiger this weekend after having not been in touch with her, or hardly any neighbors in the past months, she shared with me a little about what has been happening in your life, and told me to look at your blog for details. And as I sit here this morning, tears in my eyes for ALL you have been through since November, and me, living just across the street, for goodness sakes, not having even the slightest idea that all of this was going on, I can only say that I am SO sorry, and even MORE sorry for all that you all, especially Kendall have been through, and at the same time SO happy that as I get in on this story mid-late crisis phase, I get the ‘happy ending’ that you are all home, where you belong! Terra, I am just across the street and willing to help out whenever you might need an extra pair of hands or a courier or whatever it might be. I would love to help out with meals, so will contact your meal coordinator. I will put my cell and home phones on a sticky note in your mailbox, which I want you to post somewhere visible and use either or both when you need something – I am out ALL the time and can pick up things if you find you are out of bread or milk and it’s lunch time, etc. etc. It sounds like you have had so much support, and what a true blessing that is. I’d like to now throw my hat in the ring, a little late, but nonetheless…I will also be adding all of you to my prayer list, and I trust that the very worst is behind you, and that from this day on, Kendall will get stronger day by day, and of course she won’t want for hugs and lots of lovin’ from all her sisters and her parents! Perhaps that will be the best medicine of all. God Bless You All, as He has so far. I will be in touch soon….(and yes, I did see the old carpet at the street, and after finding out what all you’ve been through, thought for sure you had either lost your minds OR were the Incredibles living in Southgate Park!)
    P.S. I noticed Kealey on Friday, walking to the busstop, with her VERY festive birthday gift bag ( I believe it was bigger than her!) and thought….oh…it’s Kealey’s birthday, I bet!! Perhaps the best b-day present of all, getting her sister and mom home! Love to all of you….Carrie Beth and family

  2. I had been wondering how the weekend at home was going for you. Sounds about like I was imagining, in the small way I can imagine it without having done it. Have to give Ben a cheer for taking on hero status :). Debating the subscribing thing – it would take away the “Has Terra posted something new” lottery I otherwise get to look forward to a couple of times a day…

  3. Glad to hear you survived the weekend… Hope this snowstorm that is hitting the east coast doesn’t make it to chicago… have a good day.. .and will keep praying… DANA

  4. I’ve been following and praying. I’m so relieved you are all home!!! HUGS, my friend!

  5. Terra, I am so proud of you and Ben. Keep going you crazy guys, I have no idea how you can do all of this and be pregnant with number 5! WOW! Congratulations!

  6. your blog looks awseom with your new look. Who hosts it? My blog is on blgspot, but I can never seem to really figure out how to work it. And every time I think I subscribe to someone’s blog, it never really works. Hmmmm….. Praying for you and your sweet baby. I SO wish I was here to help. Curt was wondering where you got treatment, but I see from this post it was Lutheran. He used to operate down there. Good hospital. Oh, and when he got MERSA, they stuck him in a dumpy room that hadn’t been remodeled yet and made him stay there for three days to make sure he didn’t infect the world. Good times.

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