When did you first lose your trust in this world?
In good things, in people around you, in yourself?
When did you notice that you had lost this trust?
Was it a harsh stark realization all at once?
Or did you just ease into the knowing that you did not, could not, trust anyone?
Was it after a string, stretching back as far as you could remember, of bad things happening… of seemingly the worlds worst luck when it came to life, love, finances, jobs, or just functioning as a human?
Or was it more jarring when your idyllic life came to a screeching halt one day and the earth seemed to fall out from beneath you and you thought – has it all been one big lie?
When did you stop trusting?
And what has that done for you?
Life without trust looks a lot like resolute independence.
Never asking for help, never relying on anyone to do anything for you because on some deep level, you know you’ll just be disappointed.
Again.
As Always.
And somehow, we convince ourselves that if we never set ourselves up for disappointment, then we won’t experience any.
So we should, in theory, be happy this way.
Independence = no disappointment = happiness.
Right?
But it doesn’t feel that way.
Our ultra independence doesn’t come without it’s own consequences.
Never trusting anyone means that sometimes, maybe even most of the time, we barely trust ourselves too.
Of course we do on a conscious level.
We know that we can trust ourselves to do what we need, when we need it…I mean, mostly.
(Some of us have procrastination issues but that’s a post for another time.)
(see what I did there?)
What about, though, when we are alone with our thoughts, and we realize that we are actually really tired…
Tired of doing things alone.
Tired of being alone.
Tired of carrying heavy things all alone.
Tired of trying to figure it all out.
Tired of wanting answers, and having none.
Tired of feeling like we might not ever be good enough to have someone come rescue us from our
Ultra Independence.
There it is.
The deep dark truth that we try so hard not to feel.
What if we are just hiding from wanting to face the truth of what our mind is telling us –
that we are alone because we aren’t worth someone else’s time/love/attention/effort.
But that’s too hard to look at. To sit with. To feel.
So we keep our chins above water while we furiously kick and float,
and hope that we can just keep swimming until…
Until something good happens. Or someone comes to rescue us. Or we reach some new shore.
Whoever you are, and however long you’ve been treading water –
I just want you to know that you aren’t alone.
You aren’t the only one who has turned to independence in order to avoid having to trust.
You aren’t the only one who is so very tired and exhausted.
I’ve been there.
I know so many others who have too.
When did you lose your trust?
The truth is – it doesn’t really matter.
What matters is –
When will you allow yourself to find trust again?
When will you be done treading water, done fighting to keep doing it all alone,
and say – “help.”
Because here’s what I want you to know:
Asking for help does not make you weak.
In fact – asking for help is one of the bravest, most courageous things you could do.
It is so hard to do, I know this.
But no one can do it for you.
You have to decide that you’re willing to let that one tiny little spark of hope left in your chest be fanned into a flame,
into a fire that lights your life up.
Into a fire that burns down all the old wounds, all the old stories,
so that you can rise like the phoenix from the ashes, and
say “Hell Yes” to life again.
Hell YEs to life lived on YOUR terms.
Hell Yes to learning to trust – first in yourself, then in others, then in things bigger than you.
Hell Yes to allowing in all the beautiful things you’ve been craving.
When did you stop dreaming?
Are you ready to start again?
Whenever you’re ready, I’m right here to talk.
And if your’e dying to say Hell Yes to your life again –
Then you need in.
We start next Monday the 15th.
It’s ok to ask for help.
You can still be your strong independent self, and learn to trust again.
You are so much braver and stronger than you allow yourself to believe.
I’m here to help you change that, and start believing in yourself.
I love you –
And I’m so glad you’re here.
T.