RE-laxation

I am struck by the fact that I have not pondered that word before.

To RE-lax, means that we are becoming lax (whatever that state of mind or body may mean to you) AGAIN. It means we once WERE laxed, but something or some lot of things have put us in a state of UN-laxedness, and we must therefore seek out relaxation in order to once again achieve our state of laxity.

there’s your latin lesson for today.

Anyhoo.

for those who DOn’T know, I am currently seeking my own state of RE-laxation. I was sent on a mission by my absolutely amazing husband to come and find the inner me again. I guess the months of stress and worry and just LIFE has caught up with me, wonderwoman, somehow. And this was at first just an awesome fun adventure…

but the sun has just set over the edge of the ocean, and it is getting darker, and two thunderstorms are converging on either side of the beach I am on and it is raining and not even the crazy birds who live by this pond behind my room are making noise and it occurs to me for the first time in a long long long time…

I am utterly alone.

Like robinson crusoe alone. Exile Island alone.

this is a strange feeling. It has both its benefits and its drawbacks. But out here on my self-finding mission i am trying not to THINK so much, and just BE. so here i am. alone. I can hear only the distant hum of an air conditioner and the occasional squawking of some unidentifiable bird. My ears hurt from the quiet. It is like the opposite of pressure – it feels like all the wind has been sucked from this place and its just this landscape, and me.

and the unnatural glow of the laptop screen of course.

I was at the beach when the rain started, attempting to capture the sunset in an image of beauty that I could look at long after this weekend is over and be reminded of the tranquility. I had to bike back to my room and riding over the pavement I could feel the heat rising as the raindrops allowed steam to escape the baked black confines. That feeling of humidity and breeze mixed together brought back the briefest of childhood memories – smelling that wet pavementy smell, riding my bike down some sidewalk or other to get home…and i think a small piece of ME came back right then and there.

I know there’s a lot more to go. I pray that God continues to reveal himself to me here in the place where it is so very easy to commune with Him.

For those of you who know me in person – you would be so proud. i have stopped screaming out loud every time one of those gross little fast lizards crosses my path. Which is a good thing because this has happened somewhere in the range of 893 times today alone. I think I stopped being completely freaked out by them around the 400 mark.

As i was sitting on the beach this evening though, watching angry waves come crashing in spurred on by the approaching storm behind them, the words of this song came to mind:

when peace like a river attendeth my way

when sorrows like sea billows roll

whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say

it is well

it is well with my soul.

the tears flowed as i realized how so very true this has become in my life as of late.

when things are good and easygoing, AND when things are as riled up and angry as those crashing waves were – I will know that God is in control.

And it will be well with my soul.

 

terra (or at least some form of her while she is off finding the rest of herself…)

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Comments

  1. You are truly an amazing writer. Kendall is always in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs. Your strength is astounding and your trust in God is inspirational.

  2. I’ve been wondering how you guys are doing. So happy that you are having some “me time” again after a long time of sacrifice and work. Can’t wait to find out where you went.
    Faith 🙂

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