A few weeks ago I got an email from one of my daughter’s teachers announcing that WE as the parents had homework. My initial reaction was to be like “oh you think so, huh??”
And then i read it.
And I fell in love with the idea.
We were supposed to write a letter of life advice to our juniors, in an attempt to make the part of Hamlet come alive where the father tells the son – “to thine own self be true”.
I could literally not have fallen MORE in love with it.
So while I thought i would have all these really amazing things to tell her, I realized as I went to write it that i’m not quite ready to pass this baton of life on to her. I still have so much to teach her, so many lessons to impart. But through tear filled eyes, I wrote this to her, and i just wanted to share it here as a way of my “re-entry” of sorts into the blogging, the writing, that i’ve missed so much over the past few dark years as i was learning to find my voice again. More to come on that i’m sure, but for now,
here’s this.
My dearest Kealey Grace-Eliesabeth~
It makes my eyes fill with tears to think of you soon venturing out on your own. Leaving my nest, where we used to read about the little bird asking everything “Are you My Mother?” How can this be possible because I swear I was just cleaning a Costco sized bottle of creamy baby lotion off of you like last month.
You have become an amazing young lady – strong, self-confident, self-assured, and brave. Afraid of no one. And almost nothing (except for having to make actual phone calls to strangers).
So as I prepare during this last year I am blessed to have you all to myself, in my home, still my baby girl, I want to tell you a few more things, prepare you as best I can for the world you will soon enter.
What you focus on is what you will achieve and receive, so focus on good things.
People can do some really bad crazy stupid things – don’t focus on the bad things, focus on people’s hearts. They are usually good. There is a tribe in Western Africa where they practice something called “Ubuntu”. Essentially when someone in the village has done something wrong, instead of taking him to be stoned/killed/punished, they take him somewhere in the wilderness, away from the people and distractions and they take turns going around in a circle telling him all of the good things about himself, reminding him of the good things he has done.
Do you understand that?
They tell him “This isn’t you. You’ve forgotten the good person you are. Now we have reminded you. Go and do those good things so there’s no room or time for the bad things.” I hope you practice Ubuntu – for yourself, your co-workers, your family and friends. Be good, and focus on the good.
Every day is a gift. I know you know this. You’ve seen us go from having the time of our lives to rushing your sister to a strange hospital in a strange place. You know how quickly happiness can be taken if you are finding happiness in a thing, a car, a name brand, a label, another person.
Your happiness comes from inside you.
Happiness is a choice. Choose it every day.
In spite of the circumstances around you – decide that you will be grateful for everything that IS going right, even if you can only find one or two small things to be grateful for – gratitude makes the choice of happiness easier.
Sometimes, it’s ok to just sit and breathe.
We live in this world where busyness and rushing around is glorified – like it makes us better women and moms somehow if we become martyrs for those around us. That’s a lie.
It’s ok to slow down, it’s ok to even just STOP every once in a while. Sit and take a few deep breaths with your eyes closed.
In slowly through your nose, out slowly through your mouth. Notice how your chest expands, feel your shoulders release their tension, feel your brain instantly stop the chatter when you simply focus on the amazing, simple, fabulous act of inhalation, and exhalation.
We take it for granted, how our bodies do all these intense complex acts without us ever stopping to think about them. We blink, we breathe, we move our legs when we need to walk – if you are ever in a situation where you cannot find anything to be grateful for – think of those things.
Your body is breathing, blinking, mobile. Be grateful for this because so many people cannot even do those things. Breathe. Slow down. Enjoy. Be grateful.
Realize that your friends will come and go – but family will always be family.
Family will always love you, and always be here.
Figure out your priorities, and then learn to keep them straight. Your integrity and strength of character will never falter if you know your priorities and you live by them. Faith, Family, Friends, Fun, Field, Fitness, Finances. Figure out what each of those means to you, and where they fall in your life, and then make every decision you need to make in life through the filter of those pillars, and you’ll be way ahead of the crowd.
I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons in my life – some could have been much harder – and in no way can I impart them to you in Shakespearean form.
But I hope that seeing me live out my truth every day has shaped you for the better.
I hope you learn from my mistakes.
I hope you make your own too, small ones, because that’s how you learn.
I hope you always seek the truth, seek justice, seek to set wrongs right.
Like Polonius says – “to thine own self be true”….
Be. You.
Always be you.
Don’t let the world change you, because it will try.
Don’t let friends influence you, because they will.
Don’t let your circumstances define you, because it will happen.
Know. Who. You. Are.
And if you forget, I’ll be here to remind you.
You is kind. You is smart. You is important.
( I know it’s a movie quote, but it’s true.)
I could use a thousand adjectives here to describe all the beautiful, wonderful, quirky, semi-annoying, amazing things about you – but at the end of the day – you need only to remember those things because they will get you through a whole lot of bullsh*t.
Be kind, be smart, and know that YOU matter.
Never let anyone tell you different.
And if they do – it’s time to walk away.
Walk away with your head held high knowing you are headed towards bigger and better things.
I feel like I could (and likely will end up) write a book of advice to you. But I hope so many of our long drives, silly days in the car, cuddled up on the couch watching movies on cold days – all those minutes, and talks and laughs… I hope they’ve stuck. I hope you know how amazing I think you are, how amazing I’ll always think you are.
And never forget…
“Hope is a good thing, Kealey. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.”
Get busy living, or get busy dying.
That’s @*#)%&# right.