What day is today?

Sometimes I lose track.

Oh yeah, Tuesday. Which means two therapies, one babysitter, one staff meeting, three busstops, and 6 crazy schedules to work all of that around. I’d like to think of right now as the calm before the storm, as my angelic children sit around the table (nevermind that they’re in pajamas/just a diaper) enjoying a healthy snack i prepared for them (if you consider cubed cheese and some saltines to be healthy – which I personally do!), while a nice quiet movie is playing in the background and I get lots and lots of work done. It’s a nice visual image.

the reality is that there are parts of crayons strewn across this room, various blocks and toys also scattered to heck and gone, enough crumbs to feed a small army of mice, and three hundred plastic cups with different fluids in them throughout the kitchen/dining area, and my “angelic” half-dressed children are screaming and fighting with each other over the last three saltines. I am trying hard to CHERISH THESE MOMENTS – to not wish them away too quickly. i KNOW that they will pass – and they will be a blip on the radar screen.

But sometimes, in the thick of it, when I feel like every last red cent we have goes to diapers and medical co-pays (and saltines, clearly), when I am up to my elbows in bodily fluids most days, when i am breaking up fights and enduring whines and screams over the most banal of issues – I wonder if I’ll ever have a moment to myself again! when I have to LOCK the door on the bathroom to ensure that i have no other people or animals in there with me (what is UP with the dog and the cat having to come in there while I am doing my business???), I wonder if there will ever be a time again where I do’nt have to throw up quick prayers for survival in the 4 seconds of peace i can find in the locked confines of my {pretty new bright blue} bathroom.

And I know there will be. These times will pass. And I will miss them when they do. It’s just the day in and day out drudgery of my RIGHT NOW that I am adjusting to. Trying to not take for granted. Trying to enjoy and soak up. I do have great kids. I have a great husband. We have been so very blessed. I am so thankful for that. I am thankful for my awesome friends and family and those who are part of my “support team” – who can keep me going day to day, even on days like today when I forget what day it is.

My dear friend Emily wrote a post about this very thing a few days ago – I love the title – “How to Not Lose Yourself in a Decade of Other People’s Crap – Literally”. She makes some a lot of valid points about doing SOMETHING, anything, to try to keep a little bit of yourself in spite of all the “mommy-ness” of mothering. My problem, however, is that there’s TOO MUCH other things that I have great desire to do. I mean, they’re all good things, but really, who has time to have crocheting, knitting (kind of), photography as a hobby, photography as a business, scrapbooking, digital scrapbooking, blogging, and cutesy crappy craftiness as HOBBIES – all while trying to be a mostly single parent to four kids, juggle one’s special needs/therapies/medical appointments, and work PT at the church? I know. I think I need a lobotomy. It’s just that life is SO FUN. And has SO much to offer. And I want to cram it all in NOW!!!! (Not sayin’ I’m impatient or anything…I just…..don’t like to do a lot of waiting for things.)

So anyways. that’s where my head is at today.

Because its easier to try to analyze that than to deal with the impending chaos of today’s schedule. And tomorrow’s schedule. Which includes more children ferrying and a jaunt up to milwaukee. But maybe by thursday I will be able to breathe a little bit. But i want to say this too today – I could not do it without a VERY strong support system – the foundation of which lays upon the shoulders of my wonderful husband Ben. He  disciplines via phone when I have lost all authority in the midst of the dinnertime chaos, he re-arranges his schedule as much as possible to help relieve the crunch that can happen with all that we have going on, and in general, he is just a great partner in crime. Because sometimes he gets that you just need a little Blizzard therapy late at nite after a hectic day.

It also comes from my dear mother who is willing to wake up at 4 am to drive down here to help avoid the chaos of dispensing three children to three different locations at 7 in the morning before our drive. And from friends who have brought meals, sent jokes to make me laugh, been our prayer warriors and partners, and our celebrators in the good times.

So what does your support system look like? For whatever you are dealing with – who helps you carry your burdens? Have you told them thank you lately?

I for one, have a lot of thank you cards to catch up on…

In between all the other stuffs.

More to come later folks!

 

terra