A few months ago, my grandma had an aneurysm and a stroke, on top of her years-long ongoing battle with dementia. The family all thought that was the end, and we prepared ourselves to say goodbye to her then.
In true grandma Marge fashion though, she was stubborn to the end, and fought on for 4 more months, before finally succumbing to her worn out earthly body, and gaining her new life with her Creator. Even typing that sentence – as much as I know she was tired and worn out after 96 hard years on earth…I am sad to think of her being gone. I am sad that her passing feels a little like all my earliest childhood memories now have a hole in them where she was. Out of all my grandparents – I was closest to her probably. She lived a few blocks from me for most of my early childhood.
I remember the freedom I felt of packing up an overnight bag, and slinging it over my shoulder to ride my bike the three blocks to her apartment by myself, knowing I would get the full “grandma treatment”, which was glorious in itself but had the added bonus of “no siblings around”. She would make us dinner, which seems like it always involved some fried hamburg (not hamburger, hamburG), broccoli, and a starch. For dessert she would almost always make me my favorite snack – chocolate frosting on graham crackers. We would eat on tv trays on the couch, the porch door open to let the warm summer breeze in, watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. I learned my love of words and random trivia facts on these nights. After a hot bath in which she would plug in a small space heater right next to the bathtub because child safety be damned, I was cold, we would play “quiet boggle” while watching the Golden Girls. (for the uninitiated, quiet boggle is when you can’t wildly shake the letter die in the plastic box because the neighbors might not like the noise or grandma might have a headache and I might have been enthusiastic in my shaking). she never let me win. she was ruthless.
But from those nights I learned to improve. To strive for more. That nothing would come easy and get handed to me, that I had to earn my place. I learned so much from her…Lessons that have served me well and will continue to serve me well through my life.
Anyways, back a few months ago when we thought it was the end, I heard this Ed Sheeran song, and it moved me to ugly tears. So i’m sharing it with you now so you can also have the ugly cry.
And when God took you back
He said “Hallelujah, you’re home”~
But the real story I wanted to tell you was this –
My grandma always believed the cardinals were a sign that God was fulfilling His promises to us – they were a sign that good things were going to happen.
Yesterday – the day after my grandma passed away, I was sitting on my back porch getting some work done, writing in my notebooks, thinking, soul searching, planning. I looked up to see a female cardinal swooping so near my table I thought she was going to hit me. She flew around my yard a couple times and landed in the tree, perching on a branch and watching me for a few minutes. I was awestruck. I smiled, feeling like it was a sign from her that she was happy.
right then, a brightly colored male cardinal joined her, and they both perched on the fence chattering back and forth for another 10 minutes or so.
you guys, I have never in 12 years seen a cardinal couple in this back yard. I have seen cardinals around the neighborhood, glimpses of them here and there on walks or early on summer mornings if i’m sitting on my front porch.
But never like this, never for this long.
And it filled my heart with peace. Happiness.
I don’t know if i’d say it’s miraculous or anything, but it sure meant a lot to me.
As I’m working on building the kind of life I’ve always dreamed of, it was a reassurance that I’m on the right path, that i’m going to be ok, that i’m doing a good job. And I guess I just kind of needed that.
so in case you need that today too, let me tell you –
You’re on the right path.
you’re going to be ok.
You’re doing a good job.
And I’m so proud of you.
Keep on Keepin On~
T.
PS~ it would mean the world to me if you would subscribe to my blog – there’s a form up in the corner or I’m going to try to link it HERE too.
Thank you friends! I’m working on something really borne from my heart that I cannot wait to share with you all very soon! <3