Top Ten Ways to Impress Your Nurse

Number 6:

Flood the downstairs bathroom with random object stuck down the toilet.

People – I can’t make this stuff up!

So the nurse goes into the bathroom and comes out with a SOAKING wet roll of toilet paper. I assume Kaylen has stuck it in the toilet but she says no, it was on the floor. ok that’s just weird because that would mean the floor was soaking wet…

which, to my knowledge, it wasn’t.

But i go in there to replace the roll of toilet paper (because I can’t figure out how we’ve managed to go through two whole other rolls that I JUST put in there on Friday afternoon), and I flush the toilet on my way out (because Kaylen just, you know, she can’t be expected to remember all 4 steps involved in going to the bathroom on the potty yet!) Well THEN I quickly figured out why the toilet paper on the floor was soaking wet.

Fricking GEYSER out of the toilet all over the little dinky bathroom. Kendall comes to inspect and I am standing there gobsmacked at what on earth could POSSIBLY be down there to make it do this! so Nurse is trying to pull Kendall away AND Kaylen who is now wanting to know why the toilet is broken and is freaking out that water is going everywhere and I am trying to reach the plunger without getting wet from toilet water and somewhere in a small corner of my mind I am thinking “is this really my life??? and is it too early to start drinking?” (Of course i mean iced coffee – start drinking iced coffee!!!!!)

I still have no idea what I dislodged from the recesses of the toilet fixture, but it DID make a horrific sucking sound and the water spewage stopped and then I had to clean up 2 inches of standing water with the clean towels the nurse had JUST finished washing and folding!

AND IT WAS ONLY 9:30 IN THE MORNING!

Did I mention that this is on the heels of Kaylen jumping into the bathtub buck nekkid with Kendall AGAIN (making the poor nurse soaking wet from two crazy little girls in the tub on her first hour of her shift)?

which came right on the heels of the cat trying to get in the screen door with a LIVE BIRD in his mouth???? Yeah.

It was that kind of fun morning around here.

But anyways – yeah. I am pretty sure our nurse is QUITE impressed with our house!!! Welcome home from your two week vacation! We just wanted to make sure you remembered exactly why you LOVE your job!!!!

So – she is doing laundry (again), the girls are destroying some other part of my previously cleaned house, I am going to sweep bird feathers off the porch (because when I wouldn’t let him take his fricking live bird up to my room to dissect it he did it loudly on the porch in front of the other two baby kitties who were making weird animal noises to try to get outside and help him and he was obviously just rubbing it in that he could do it and i cannot STAND hearing him crunch bones like that!!!), and then I am going to find that bottle of Xanax that my doctor prescribed last year because she thought my life MUST be crazy with four kids.

And then I am going to get a big iced coffee. Or something.

 

T-crest out.