Suggestions

Ok I have received a few suggestions for blog topics from my faithful readers.

Now, this could be for one of two reasons:

either, I bore the ever-loving snot out of you with my rambings and rantings on daily life here in the nuthouse,

OR, youwant to be dazzled by my facetiously witty satirical view on these topics.

 

I’m gonna go with number two. Cause I need an ego boost like that.

The first topic up for suggestion is the fact that the reason we are getting so much snow in these here parts is cause of the corn. Now stay with me here.

In the summer, most of Illinois is covered with corn. I’m assuming the majority of it is feed corn, but being that my major in college was NOT Ag-science and i was NOT a member of a 4-H club, or any number of H club for that matter, I don’t know this for sure. But I pride myself on always having an answer for EVERYTHING. Whether or not its the RIGHT answer is another story. But you could easily ask me any question and get a somewhat informed sounding answer back. Try it. You’ll be dazzled I promise. anyhoo…

the corn + the winter = snow. This is the theory set forth by my own personal spatial genius husband, ben.  the theory is such – in the summer, when the corn is "knee high by the fourth of july", it begins to hold moisture to the ground in order to have enough water to keep growing, etc. And if you have ever driven THROUGH corn-land, you’ll know what I mean. Drive down the crappily maintained "Ro-DAY-o Drive" of bolingbrook with the windows down on any given summer day, and there is a marked difference in the humidity level in between the corn fields. So this humidity helped pull moisture down into the earth all summer, and of course this past summer, the corn grew like roger clemens on steroids. I’m losing my own train of thought here so i’ll try to make this brief.

the moisture this summer kept the earth around suburban chicago , where we do NOT enjoy lake effect snow typically, moister than usual, and therefore, when storm clouds are passing over, they are reacting to the moister warmer earth that isn’t as frozen as it usually is, and therefore, is dumping more snow than normal.

got it? good. a theory guaranteed to stand up to even the most knowledgeable of meteorologists. Like ms. amy freeze on fox news chicago. I bet you my own weight in chocolate that that woman changed her name for TV. If not, its a good thing she went into meteorology. I think only being a cop would be a second best job.

what’s your name?

amy FREEZE! (everyone in the room puts their hands up). No, FREEZE.

Ok again I digress.

Up next for discussion. The video above. Now, if i was actually smart today, and did not manage to crash the entire bluehost server by loading this video onto ye olde blogge, then you should be able to view it.

Go on. I’ll wait.

………………………………

oh you’re back already? ok let’s discuss this shall we?

First – the fact that this made the news somewhere. Honestly? did i miss something? Where did this make the news, bedford falls? I expected to see the Beav riding his Schwinn down the street any second. God bless america if we really HAVE run out of bad things to report and are now filming people’s Jesus statues going missing.

Second. Weiner Poopie.

I’m speechless. I can’t believe the woman could read the letter with a straight face. I would have been cackling so hard I couldn’t breathe when I read it. Plus with a TVcamera in my face? Oh yeah. Fits of laughter fo shiz.

Third. I am not quite sure how "poop in my yard" = "steal their statue". I mean, there is this one dog down the street from us who ALWAYS takes a crap in our front yard. My first line of defense is not going to be go down the street, steal Jesus from their yard, and leave a note that my kindergartner penned herself. Complete with poopie reference. I mean, first, I’d go with like a HUGE sign in my front yard that says "Yo, dude with the rat dog – let little bruiser crap in my yard again and he’s gonna yo quiero the bottom of my foot." Barring that, I’d probably just stop the guy  again and have an adult conversation with him about the rudeness of letting his dog do that, and hand him a plastic bag to start scrapin’. Lastly, I’d reciprocate. Our dog takes some scientifically impossible sized fecal releases; i’d scoop up somma dat and leave a nice little package on mr. poopie-pants’ front yard.

I can’t believe I just poured ten minutes of my life into planning out that hypothetical situation.

but there you have it – my thoughts on suggested topics.

 

Now on to today.

Uhhhhhh….

 

oh yeah. nothing exciting today. It would be REALLY neat if my hair would dry sometime today so I can actually style it. Then I might actually be able to leave the house. Big aspirations you know.

My new little nephew was born Tuesday nite! But as of yet, I still have no pictures so I cannot blog about him.

our website hit 100 visitors yesterday – total for the day was actually 115. But that made me happy. Its the little things you know?

I think we’re going to do valentine’s pictures today for the girls. Mostly cause they want the huge heart suckers that I got for props. So i’ll have lots of new pics to share tomorrow.

If I get any lesss boring, I’ll be sure to come post about it.

Upside down and inside out

ima show all you folks what its all about

now its time for me to get on the mic and make this mother_

party hype say

WHOOMP

there it is.

T