Seven.

It is odd to me that in seven years I have come full circle. Seven years ago tomorrow I entered the hospital, really for the first time in my life (except for the random ER visit), as a single entity. And tomorrow, seven years later, I will be {hopefully} taking home my fourth bundle of joy – just as I did with Kealey all these years ago…

I cannot believe, baby girl, that you will be SEVEN years old tomorrow. You carry the weight of the world on your slim little seven year old shoulders, more so this week than any I have ever seen. Some birthday, huh? You’ll wake up with your memaw there to get you on the bus – and I know she’ll make it fun and festive somehow for you – but not the way I would do it, or want to do it. I want to make you heart shaped pancakes with pink m&m’s in them, just for your birthday. I want to sing to you before you get out of bed. I want to help you pick the perfect cute special outfit, and curl your hair for you, and of course, take the pre-requisite 893 photos of you on your way out the door, with your special treat bags that *I* wanted to be the one to make with you and pick out at the party store. Instead I had to send your daddy with words of caution to not be too upset at the fact that you would probably want Hannah Montana bags and don’t be alarmed that they probably cost $4 more than the plain ziploc bags he wanted to use. I know these things, baby – birthday treat bags are HIGH on the list of Very Important Things in a 1st grader’s life. Some kids send cool birthday treat bags, others aren’t so interesting. But I wanted you to have REALLY NEAT ones. I am sure your daddy did a great job. And while I am sure you will be able to remember this birthday, I hope that you aren’t too disappointed. I hope that the excitement of getting your baby sister home and being a Family again far outweigh any sadness that you may wake up with. Because I want you to know – I will NEVER think your birthday is just another day. It will forever be the anniversary of the day I became a momma, and it will always be an AMAZING day to me, because I celebrate YOU. I have been so very amazed at how much you have grown this year. I mean sure, physically, you grow like one of the sunflowers we planted out back this past summer that hit 8 feet only halfway through the season! I cannot keep up with your changing sizes

 it seems like – you’re all limbs with nothing in the middle to hold your pants up! But I mean how you have grown as a little girl. You have developed your own sense of style, your personality has both blossomed and refined somehow, I am seeing little glimpses of the young lady you will all too soon become. And I am so so so proud of you. YOU are the reward we get for motherhood. YOU make the every day craziness and chaos and sacrifices worth it- to see what a beautiful little person you are becoming. Every compliment i receive about you makes my heart swell so big I feel like it could burst. I can remember almost like it was yesterday coming home with you and sitting in that rocking chair in the living room and trying to remember the words to nursery rhyme type songs to sing to you. i had NO IDEA what it was going to be like to be your mommy. And it’s pretty much been one big adventure after another! We moved to California by ourselves when you were 5 months old. We moved to Illinois by ourselves when you were 2 years old. We welcomed one, two, then three baby sisters into our crazy household. Remember the day when you tried to make your own mi-mi in the microwave and we had to go get a new one? Remember the day you first learned to get your own cereal? Remember when you first learned to buckle your own seatbelt? I have been so proud of each and every one of your accomplishments kealey grace.

so even though tomorrow may not be EXACTLY how I would have planned it, I hope it is a beautiful wonderful birthday, full of many good things. I hope so hard that I get to be there for at least PART of it with you, with your sisters, with Kendall and Daddy too. I just want to give you one thing on your birthday – a great big hug. I want you to know how very very very much I love you and always will, and how very very very proud of you I am and always will be.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl – 

love,

momma