Random Thoughts from W1105.

Special treat time! i’m bored and the internet is wonky and i need something to keep my mind occupied.

So here you go – an extra middle of the day blog post from me. Full of the randomness spilling out of the top of my head at this very moment. If you get offended by possible swearing, talk of bra’s, or in general think this will be more mind-numbingly stupid than a Honey Boo Boo marathon – you’re probably right. Exit’s to the left. i won’t have hurt feelings.

I’m tired. I know you’re all probably going “duh”, or “join the club”. But I needed to say it. I’m really tired.

My bra is poking my chesticles. It hurts. I just called Ben to tell him I put on facebook that I needed him to fedex me a new bra. He was not amused. But is fedexing it.

We have awesome friends and family – and we are blessed to have this happen in two different cities in two different states while we try to live as a family separated. This is a huge thing. i seriously cannot thank enough the people who continue to ask me what we need – at home, at the hospital…you’re all amazing. My aunt came to the hospital today to sit with Kendall while I went out to lunch with my grandma. That was amazing.

I sat and talked and laughed with my grandma and she is the only one who can make me cry when i’m doing my best to not cry. And she did it again today. So then we both sat there laughing and crying at the same time like so many of my awesome memories are made of – my grandma, my aunt, my mom, and us girl cousins laughing and crying at some crazy story someone told…Anyways – it was so good to sit and talk with her. She’s full of wisdom, that one. I feel very blessed to be able to spend time with her while we are up here. Thank you aunt margie for coming and for writing down kendall’s every random request on stickers so i don’t forget that she wants green root beer and soup and a minnie balloon!

Someone took one of my cokes i had chillin in the parent fridge. This kind of pisses me off because hello – IT WAS ONE OF MY COKES!!! But i’m trying to think that whomever stole it (and yes it was plastered with kendall stickers, so someone had to know they were taking someone elses coke) really needed it. And I hope it was a blessing to them. I’m so magnanimous I know.

The transport nurse who worked on Kendall the whole trip up here just stopped in to say to her. That made me smile. Our resident on the floor said “every department i call for records or to set things up for kendall knows who she is! and everyone loves her!” That really made me smile. We are very loved here at the CHW. Having OUR GI and OUR complex care doc be on service – it’s a relief like I can’t even describe. It confirms that we made the right call to come up here when we did. It means that when i have to pull crazy momma bear, i have two big guns backing me up going – “do what she says and no one will be hurt”. Vs. having to claw and fight for everything she needs.

I didn’t cry yesterday. I haven’t cried at all during this crazy aced week. I did not cry when Kealey cried into my chest that she didn’t want us to leave. I didn’t cry when they were wheeling my baby down a hallway on a stretcher with life support equipment in their backpacks, and my other little ducklings were following along behind daddy, down the hallway, out the doors, into the big ambulance bay. I didn’t cry when i watched them crack the gurney into the back of the ambulance and escort me to the front seat. I did not cry when we pulled out of the bay and i waved to my other babies and my husband standing there, knowing that we would not see each other for almost a week. I did not cry as we flew through traffic on a busy Chicago freeway, racing towards a hospital that could better care for my very sick child. I don’t know why i have not cried yet. It is all very emotional. It is actually, i would dare say, scary this time. She is sick in a way that I have not seen her be sick before, in spite of the moments of silliness and wanting to play – her downtimes are very down. On paper, she is a train on fire headed towards a gasoline factory. Her labs are crap, crappy, and crappier. This infection is beating down her body. But she is still the same fighter. And I still believe in our Big God. Maybe i’m just coping well. Or maybe i need to be psycho-analyzed for my ability to sail calmly through a scary, crappy, effed up situation.

My friends –and auntie – you know how to pack awesome snacks. You are saving my booty – literally. i have no desire to go raid the vending machines on the surgical floor. Thank you. The ones who continue sending me crazy honey boo-boo related texts and messages – i love you.

I feel like I had tons more randomness to share when i started this post. But now its turning into a medical update post I need to make as so much has gone on in the time its taken me to piece this together. So here you go – enjoy the randomnicity.

 

terra.