My Heart Will Go on

Dear Baby Girl –

 

Tomorrow is a big day. Three years ago on this day I held you in my arms as you cried and cried, watching your friends from the neighborhood climb aboard the big magical schoolbus to whisk them away to a whole other world. You just couldn’t understand why you couldn’t go also. And it hurt me to have you cry like that, so i held you and tried to explain to you that someday it would be your turn. and I knew, even then, that on that day it would be ME crying, while you climbed aboard the big magical schoolbus, whisking you away into the world, forever out of the safety of my arms.

Tomorrow you will put on your brand new beautiful polka dot dress, and your new school shoes, and heft your Tinkerbell backpack onto your tiny little shoulders, and you will walk away from me, into the world. No longer will we enjoy long lazy days of cartoons and Baby Story, snacks and lunchtimes, naptime and funtime.

 For five and a half years I have had you all to myself, with hardly a day passing that you weren’t right by my side.

 For five and a half years I have been able to protect you – from mean people and kids who will laugh at you, and bad days, and tough calls.

For five and a half years you have been my constant companion, my baby, my student and my teacher. We learned together what it was like to be mom and baby. You let me make mistakes, and you forgave me, and taught me to be the mommy I am today.

What will I do without you all day? You are my helper, the one who makes me laugh when I am sad, my strength when I have none, and usually the REASON i have none. We butt heads, and we hold hands.

 

Tomorrow you will be hardly able to contain your excitement, and I will be hardly able to contain my tears. Don’t get me wrong – I am so happy for you baby girl – to be starting out on this journey into life. But i realize that never again will you be all mine.

Tomorrow you will enter the world. I hope its ready for you. I hope you’re ready for it.

 

World- I hope you realize the beautiful gift you are receiving tomorrow – this precious little girl with a heart so good and pure it will bring you to tears. A beautiful little girl with a gap-toothed smile, and these huge beautiful eyes that crinkle up and sparkle when she giggles, and oh that giggle.

 If you could hear her laugh at something silly her sister has done, or at a joke I have told her…there would be no sadness left in you. She has this infectious laugh that I can only hope the world gets to hear. And she’s so smart…wise beyond her years truly.

 No she may not remember her address or her teacher’s name yet, and she is still working on being able to spell her last name, but she knows just when to come give me a hug on blue days. She knows special ways of making her sister laugh, and just how to hold her baby sissy when she’s feeling fussy.

She knows how to climb up on the counter to get snacks for her and her sister, and she can fold a mean basket of laundry. She’s strong too. She’s such a good helper and I do’nt know how I am going to make it through the day without her.

so little girl of mine – put on your pretty new dress and your cute new shoes. We’ll do your hair pretty and get your backpack. And I will try to not embarrass you with my tears as I walk you into school and hand you over to your teacher, entrusting her with my most prized possession. You. My jewel. My baby.

 

I love you so much.

 

i hope you have a wonderful, amazing, oh-so-fun first day of school.

 

love,

 

mommy