Keep Digging.

I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

I mean, sure, I knew I was Terra.

I was the “good preachers kid” of Ronn and Janie.

I was momma to my 4 Special K’s.

I was that one crazy friend with the stomach of steel who could find humor in even the worst of times, if you could call it that.

But I didn’t know who *i* was.

I felt disconnected not just from what I thought I “knew” about myself, but from everything that I didn’t even know I didn’t know.

I just felt…..lost.

Have you ever been there?

This past spring, when it first started turning warm enough to really be outside and in our yard, I had a good friend come over and help me start landscaping.  (Yes you can laugh, because me and landscaping do not ever belong in the same sentence. It’s ok. i’ve made peace with my black thumb.) But he handed me a shovel and told me to start digging. It was hot, hard, grueling work. Keep digging he would say. We were digging up weeds that had just overtaken two large patches in my backyard.

And I don’t mean like pretty weeds that you could mistake for flowers. Ugly, thorny, hard, tough, WEEDS.

Like these weeds meant business. I wanted to just light the entire backyard on fire and enjoy a nicely charred patch of land. Keep digging, he said. For almost 10 hours – keep digging.
I started to settle into it at some point – the digging. The chipping away slowly at the roots of these ugly weeds, the reaching in to grab a spiky handful and wincing as I tossed it into the waste bag, the return to digging. It felt like it was endless. But the sun started to weaken in it’s relentless beating down on our backs, and as i looked around – I could see the progress we had made.
And it was beautiful.
I didn’t realize it that day – but a few weeks later, I realized that’s what my entire last few years had been like.
Digging.

Unearthing the spiky, ugly, thorny parts of me, reaching in and grabbing a painful handful, and tossing them in the yard waste bag. Jealousy. Bitterness. Rage. The belief that life was supposed to somehow be FAIR for me and it WASn’T so I was going to throw a Godzilla-sized tantrum about it. Layers and layers of twisted and tangled roots, digging in, making it not so easy to dig up these weeds, not so easy to just kill them quickly and move on. The work was hard and hot and unrelenting and I wanted to be done….but I heard a voice saying “Keep Digging.”

Keep digging.

And in that digging, in that ridding myself of all those weeds and thorns and spiky ugly parts, I started to find *me* again. My heart, my soul – they had room to breathe with all those weeds gone. Oxygen could flow to the choked out parts and I could remember….
Remember how much I loved writing, and connecting, and helping people.

Remember how much I loved to soak up the sunshine, and hear the ocean, and enjoy every last crumb of a chocolate covered Entemanns donut.

Remember that I loved making people laugh – not to mask my pain, but because i had no pain.

And I could look around – and see that it was Beautiful.

I started to dig into what my purpose was with all of this, and how I could fulfill that purpose here in the years I had.
I know that so many of you who are faithful readers of this blog have encouraged me for years to write a book. And that IS a part of it – but before we get there, it’s about so much more. I am here to be a teacher, a helper, a healer. I did not endure these wounds and dig through these weeds only to play small. My blog, my podcast, my facebook group – these are all the places i am here to show up in, the places where I will continue to tell my story, knowing it is meant to help others. This teaching, this helping – this is my gift. This is the special magic that was placed in my heart that the weeds almost choked out – but that i’m ready to start sharing.
That’s why I created this class – for you to start digging.

Start unearthing the beautiful parts of you that may be being choked out by your own weeds.

It doesn’t have to be like that.

You are full of amazing gifts – and the world needs them.

You are here on this earth for a reason, and we all need what you bring.
I would be honored if you would check this class out.
It is specially priced only through the end of this month.