Is this thing on???

Is there anybody who even still reads? I think its been like a month since I posted…

And i’ll get the good stuff out of the way first so that you can just skip over the rest of it if you so choose!

Kendall is doing GREAT right now! a few minor “tune up” issues we continue to mostly just monitor, but nothing that will send us roaring back to the hospital as long as things stay on this steady course! She is gaining weight nicely, doing great in her therapies every week, enjoying playing outside for a little bit every day during her “tube free time” in the afternoons – just great!

Really, I could not be happier about her current state of health. Or the health of the other girls really. It’s all just kind of nice and calm right now…(no one make any  sudden moves and upset that house of cards ok?)

Except…

It does kind of suck. To look at her and realize she is doing so great because she has a permanent IV tunneled under the skin of her chest down to her heart. And that she gets labs drawn every monday that alert her team of docs and nurses to any small changes in her metabolic status that are addressed, adjusted and mostly resolved before she can even start reacting to them. And that even on the really good days, when she is excited about eating a cheese puff or a couple of mac and cheese noodles, you see a dramatic change in her behavior when the pain and nausea of those small indulgences catches up with her.

And there are a hundred and four other things I kind of feel like complaining about right now, but I am just kind of over my own negativity. Life does NOT suck. And we all have our hardships and issues. And I really just need to build a bridge and get over it. I know all of this, but it doesn’t make it easier to actually just DO.  I am tired. Still just so tired. And worn out. I don’t feel like doing anything or talking to anyone or going anywhere. In fact I am rather lackadaisical about just about everything. And I hate it. I hate feeling this way. I hate even admitting that I feel this way. But I feel like some of you who I consider my friends deserve some kind of explanation. not that this is any kind of real “explanation”…but at least now you know where I’m at. I’m just here. It’s not you. it’s me.

I’m really really hopeful that the warmer weather will snap me out of this crazy funk. If warmer weather actually ever materializes… And I promise this is not being posted in any kind of veiled attempt to get lots of sympathy or anything. I know you all love me!!! I’ve just gotta figure out a way to pull myself up outta this. Hopefully soon. I’ll be back to my regular crazy self in no time. And I do realize that this all probably sounds WAY more drama than it really is. I get that. I just wanted to let you all know how things are. Kendall’s great, the other girls are great, I’m still here, Ben is still traveling the country for his job. We’re doing good. We still appreciate and value your prayers and support in so many ways. 

And that’s about all I have to say about that.

I hope you are all having a beautiful day and making fun weekend plans!

peace out –

terra.