Today would have been a great day for graduation.
The weather is near perfect – sunny but not too hot. A little cloudy but no rain. Not humid, and not chilly.
This is one of those days that you think about, but you never REALLY think about, you know?
You send your big independent 5 year old off to kindergarten, out into the big new world with a backpack half their size banging against the back of their knees with every step. And they seem SO BIG, so grown up all of a sudden because they were just home with you all the time, asking for this show or that movie, eating “snacks” nonstop and making messes of their toys and teasing their younger siblings relentlessly and now all of a sudden they are gone….off with new friends and new teachers.
But soon enough you settle into this world of having school aged kids and the days seem to drag on…you add in sports and classes and friends and sleepovers and parent-teacher conferences and art show nights and homework battles into your routine seamlessly. Always thinking about THIS day, but never really thinking about.
One day you come to the last day of their last year, and you start thinking about it a little more. This is really it. 
This is the last time they will heft up that backpack onto their shoulders, even though it doesn’t bang them in the knees anymore, and they will leave your house and go out into the great big world, with new friends and new teachers and you know that next year, it will be different. You think about that, but you don’t REALLY think about it.
That last year, oh it’s full of so many lasts. You cry for some of them. You are stronger for others. And you are secretly OH SO GRATEFUL for lots of them.
You start thinking about this day a little more.
There are parties to plan.
And now you have to face the reality of sharing this celebration between two families.
So you think about it, a little more, but still….not really thinking about it.
And then life hits PAUSE.
Full hard stop to the carousel of days and craziness and schedules and things to do and places to be.
You think a lot more about this day.
And you realize that it might not happen.
A day that has been at least 13 – if not their full 18 – years in the making.
So many long nights of homework. Studying. Building book projects last minute and driving them to school because they missed the bus, doing laundry til midnight because they need THAT item for school the next day.
All of those years, all building to this day – but now it’s not happening.
Might still happen…but not the same. Not what you were planning for. Not what you were hoping for.
And you think about it… really think about it now.
They should have had this day.
They should have been out there, lining up in their caps and gowns, filing into their seats on the football field while we their proud parents cheered them on, cried and yelled as their names were called, and those tassels were turned and known – we did it. Together.
Life is still on pause, while time marches forward. It is a conundrum we will all look back on someday and try to make sense of.
Until then, I will think about how today would have been a great day for graduation, and share the words of an amazing woman writer, who gave this “commencement speech” in an article in the Trib in 1997.
Congratulations, Kealey~ Class of 2020, Plainfield East High School.
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97
Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it
A long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists
Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
Than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth
Until they’ve faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back
At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now
How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked
You are not as fat as you imagine
Don’t worry about the future
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubble gum
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. On some idle Tuesday
Do one thing every day that scares you
Saying, don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts
Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind
The race is long and in the end, it’s only with yourself
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t
Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees
You’ll miss them when they’re gone
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t
Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the ‘Funky Chicken’
On your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much
Or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can
Don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it
It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room
Read the directions even if you don’t follow them
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly
Brother and sister together we’ll make it through
Some day a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you’ve been hurting but I’ve been waiting to be there for you
And I’ll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good
Be nice to your siblings, they’re your best link to your past
And the people most likely to stick with you in the future
Understand that friends come and go
But a precious few, who should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
For as the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young
Live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard
Live in northern California once but leave before it makes you soft
Travel
Accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too, will get old
And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young
Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble
And children respected their elders
Respect your elders
Don’t expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse
But you never know when either one might run out
Never mess too much with your hair
Or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85
Be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past
From the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts
And recycling it for more than it’s worth
But trust me on the sunscreen
( Link to original article by Mary Schmich in the Chicago Tribune, June 1, 1997:
https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/chi-schmich-sunscreen-column-column.html )