So things got hectic this past weekend, and I am sitting here writing and backdating posts in order to hit my every day in may goal.
Saturday was crazy. I spent literally all day getting Kealey ready for her prom.
Her prom.
How on earth was my little baby who i used to make homemade baby food for and wake up from her naps just so i could have someone to talk to getting ready for PROM? When did this happen?
She’s 17. Going on 27.
She’s always been so mature and responsible.
Maybe she was born that way, and maybe the circumstances of our life made her that way.
Maybe it’s an oldest child thing. And maybe it got kicked into hyperdrive because she had to be the oldest child in a family where so much attention got poured into the littlest one.
Maybe I leaned on her too much during some very long days trying to keep a house together while my marriage was falling apart.
Maybe it’s a combination of all of the above.
And maybe i just got really lucky with 4 amazing kids. Each of them with their own distinct little personalities, each of them bringing gifts to me that I never knew i needed. Each of them teaching me a little more about myself and my relationships every day.
I loved hanging out with her, pampering her, trying to get her mass of hair to stay in place with an array of bobby pins, mousse, 4 cans of hairspray and a few cuss words. (I think the cuss words were the magic sticking point.) We then went and took a lot of pictures with various groups of friends (this is apparently all a part of the prom experience. the pictures. oh my lord all the pictures. and it was rainy and cold.)
I loved this time, in spite of an underlying part of me wanting only to be back home on my couch under my heated blanket watching Lifetime Movie Network because i get such precious few hours of alone time and here i was spending my entire day on her.
But i realize that my time with her is limited. i mean, it’s limited with everyone, right? b
But this is, as my mother pointed out recently,” the beginning of the end”. (She has a way with the encouraging words, that one. Another of her special phrases is “it’s going to get bad before it gets worse.”) She’s right though. This is the start of Kealey’s last year “at home”. Under my roof, my wings, safe in the nest.
So as tired as i am, and as much as i crave those precious moments where i am not being “mommed” and pulled on and fought over for every speck of my attention, I will soak up what i can. I will parcel out myself to each of the 4 humans who i procreated and i will give them the best of me not in a martyr, worn out, dried up way. I will do it because i am learning to fill my own well first. Because they deserve a me who is whole, and capable of giving them my love and attention.
I completely derailed on this one. But it was kind of just a ramble anyways.
Anyways. That was my Saturday.
T.