I feel like that’s all I do some days.

Wait for energy to descend upon me like a magical glove from heaven. Wait for the fax machine to ring announcing Kendall’s labs are done. Waiting for a doctor to call back with a plan. Waiting for Kendall to feel better. Waiting for a break to come.

Yesterday we were waiting for Kendall’s lab results. They should have come in around noon. They were dropped off at the lab around 9:45 am and ordered “stat”. We knew we needed the info to make an informed decision about what or where or how to help Kendall. See, she’s been “anemic” for a while now. Most chronically ill children/kids on TPN are anemic to some degree. It’s just par for the course. Kendall’s body has mostly learned to adapt to this anemia, and she has her own set of “normal” ranges. In December she all of a sudden started lowering that range – likely due to all the infections she fought last fall, as well as the blood thinning medication she was on for her DVT (blood clot in her chest). She was actually kind of iffy for whether or not she would tolerate Disney without dropping her counts further – but by the grace of God, she managed to stay stable that whole time. After we returned from Disney though, she did start to slowly drop again.

My belief is that her hospital stay in early february with the tachycardia was her body’s way of trying to compensate for the lowered counts – except that her counts weren’t super low at that time. But her body eventually found it’s rhythm as it compensated and adjusted to a lower blood count than it’s previous low normal. After last week’s hospital stay, her numbers had dropped even further, but symptom-wise, she was still hanging in there.  Anemia symptoms include things like an elevated (fast) heart rate, paleness, shortness of breath, tiredness/increased sleeping, grumpiness – you know – pretty much standard preschooler behavior! Kendall “acted” more anemic in early february, but her numbers didn’t show it. Now her numbers show it – but her body is compensating.

the question becomes “compensating at what cost”? How long can her body last at these lowered numbers? (last time her hemoglobin was this low she was getting a transfusion – but she had also just been pretty sick, and was younger/had less reserves than she does now). How hard is her heart working right now to try to keep oxygenated blood flowing to all the important organs? How is her body deciding what is important and what isn’t? Will she just crash suddenly or will she continue to slowly decrease until someone decides enough is enough? I don’t know the answers to these questions. That’s why I anxiously wait for her labs to come, to tell me via some numbers on a page how her body is handling the stress.

At some point, her team in milwaukee will have to decide that the enteral iron (liquid iron we give into her gut, where iron is absorbed in our bodies. Iron is the building blocks of red blood cells, red blood cells indicate your body’s level of anemia or not.) is not helping the matter, and decide whether it is time to order a blood transfusion for Kendall, or start doing IV iron infusions. Transfusions obviously come with their own set of risks, but would be “an easy fix” for Kendall’s issues right now. Iron Infusions can cause some crazy reactions in the body, because you are forcing iron into the bloodstream when it is typically a process that your gut does for you. You have to have your first one or two iron infusions (typically) in a hospital setting/infusion clinic where you can be monitored for reactions and treated appropriately – but thereafter there is some “proof” that adding a small amount of iron to the TPN (Kendall’s IV nutrition) would help boost the ferritin levels enough that the bone marrow could continue producing adequate levels of hemoglobin on it’s own, without the need for transfusion.

I don’t know what is the right answer for Kendall right now – that’s why I am depending on, WAITING on, her team in Milwaukee (GI, complex care, hematology) to make a decision about what we do for Kendall. Apparently, however, as I’ve been assuming they were seeing all of these drops over the past couple weeks that I have been seeing (they get the same labs faxed to them every other week) – they have NOT actually been seeing them. They have a new records system in place up there, and as I just found out last night – labs from outside hospitals are taking weeks to MONTHS to be entered into the system. And since I am not the mom to be calling them week after week to ask for help, they have assumed “no news is good news”.  when I found this information out, I was disheartened. Frustrated. Disappointed. Sad for my baby girl, who has continued to deal with more and more crappiness every week as she drops lower and lower, waiting for her doctors to say enough is enough let’s help her. My faith has been blown. I know it’s no one’s “fault” – but still – I feel like I found out that when I thought I was swimming towards a rescue vessel. it was just an illusion, and I’m left treading water in the ocean keeping kendall afloat all on my own.

It is some days so very hard to play doctor at home. As much as I joke about her room being a hospital room – the truth is, I just don’t know some days. Most days. While I want to assume that for the most part things are going ok in her body – she can pull some crazy stuff. It leaves me (and her nurses) all scratching our heads going – is this autonomic and will straighten itself out? Is this because her kidneys aren’t functioning? Is this her heart? Is this her anemia? Is this all of the above? Is it time to take her in? Let her keep riding it out? It is getting old. and hard. and tiring. For the most part – you see pictures of Kendall smiling. And for the most part, Kendall is always smiling. But she’s tired. Her body is tired. It is working very very hard to find any kind of balance. She takes four hour naps most days, and some days would sleep even longer than that if we let her. She is wearing oxygen every time she goes to bed – nap and night time – in an effort to ease the work her heart is doing. She is complaining more of pain, and dizziness and just overall “hurting”. She asks me “when i feel better momma? I don’t know wrong wiff me.” It just breaks my mommy heart to see her like this – trying bravely to keep her smile on, to keep pushing on through life, because it’s all she knows how to do. keep moving forward.

But I want it to be fixed. I want to take her to milwaukee and show them my baby who is so pale she could make a vampire seem nicely tanned and show them the bruises up and down her legs and arms and make them watch her walk holding onto walls so she doesn’t fall down from being “soooo dizzzzyyyy momma!!!!” and show them how she used to get up off the couch and dance with her sisters and now she lasts for about ten seconds before she crawls back up on the couch and just watches them. I don’t let myself stop and see these things because they hurt too bad to see – so we all keep moving forward and acting as if everything is ok and we’ll all be ok and everything will eventually fix itself if we all just keep moving forward.

I’m so tired though.

Tired of being the only one here seeing this, making decisions on my own, being the enforcer on my own, keeping a running log of lab numbers and symptoms and differential diagnoses for every crazy thing kendall does in my head on my own. Tired of being the one whined to, cried to, needing comforted because the other three are sick too, and have problems too, and don’t understand this week’s multiplication homework and need this paper signed or that dance costume sewed or they don’t like what I made for dinner. Which, admittedly, is not anything great.  But I’m just so tired. I’m tired beyond physical sleep. I’m emotionally tired, mentally tired, spiritually tired.

I yelled at Karissa last nite. And I mean YELLED. I was that mom outside of Target berating her daughter for dropping ice cream. you hear me? i yelled at my child because she dropped my ice cream. My one treat – one good thing to look forward to on an otherwise crappy day – and karissa dropped it all over the sidewalk because she was trying to hop from rock to rock and wasn’t paying attention. I made my baby boog cry the whole way home because I crushed her spirit. Because my spirit feels crushed. I stayed awake thinking about this for hours. I went in and laid with her and told her how much I loved her and I was sorry but I cannot take back those words or that tone of my voice. I have no sense of who I am anymore really.  I am just a person who gets her kids from point A to point B, wears the same sweatpants every day, watches her child get sicker every day, feels more and more useless every day.

This weekend Ben is going to help his mom move from Texas to our home. I am glad the girls will be able to see their Nana, will be glad for the extra help every day, glad we can help her out in this way. We have a space in the basement that we were able to turn into a bedroom of sorts for her. I wish we had a real bedroom for her. I wonder how this will change the logistics and dynamics of our weeks. I already have had to give up my home, my alone time, to share our space with the nurses who help keep Kendall at home every week. I wonder how much more that will change adding another adult full time here. I think “will i ever find myself again, in the chaos?” People try to say the right things and do the right things and we could not survive without those good friends. I’m rambling because I am finding it hard to get my feelings out of my fingertips right now.

Somewhere inside is me. The me I used to be. The me that used to be a good mom, a good wife, a good person. I want to find her again. I’m waiting to figure out how.

But I think it starts with this. A verse I read the other night after seeing my brother’s facebook post instructing us to do so.

Psalm 29 – “God gives his people strength. God gives his people peace.”

And so I wait more. For strength and peace to come.

And i know they will.

I just have to wait.



Bring Your own cheese.

Cause we got a whole lotta whining about to get down in here.

First of all – I feel horrible. Let me just whine about my sinuses, ears, eyes, nose, throat and head for a few seconds. I went to bed last night feeling ok, woke up this morning feeling like a truck ran me over. That truck may or may not have been kaylen crawling into bed with me and then hacking up her germs on me all night long. Ben is once again gone on a week long business trip, so there’s no rest for the weary here. (Yes this is all just purely whine, don’t judge!)

The girls came home from school yesterday and kaylen was in tears from how bad she felt, and karissa was about a step and a half behind that. Loaded everyone up on vitamin C and ibuprofen, and they had definitely perked up a little bit. (Oh and a CFA milkshake. Because it was Milkshake Monday, duh. And CFA milkshakes fix a LOT of problems.) Karissa never really had a fever, and seemed improved this morning, so I sent her off to school with Kealey. I’m still debating over Kaylen – who hasn’t had a fever through the ibuprofen so far, and is looking ok. Thinking I still won’t risk it – but not sure I can convince her to lay down with me later and take a nap (which is really all I feel like doing!)


Kendall made it up and out the door to school with her nurse – but complained all morning about her throat (which isnt actually her throat, but usually more often means that she’s very nauseated, because she has this gaggy little retch-cough that she does with it). She actually asked me this morning in her groggy little voice “mommy, when I gonna feel better? I just want to feel better!”

Stab my heart.

I know she has felt like absolute poop for a few weeks now – between being sick with regular winter stuff, the raging UTI from a couple weeks ago, and being super anemic (low blood counts to overgeneralize it), i cannot fathom how the kid even wants to get out of bed in the morning.  But that’s Kendall. That’s why she’s my hero. I can personally barely function with a touch of a virus, but there she is smiling, asking to go downstairs and see sissies, and learning how to voice request “little mermaid disney world ride” on YouTube. She seriously watches this video of the Little Mermaid ride at WDW over and over and over again. Freaks out over Ursula every. single. time. and wants me to explain why King Triton is holding a triton at the end every. single. time.

(Don’t worry – Cinderella is still the fave – but Belle and Ariel are starting to creep in. Variety is sometimes nice!)

Other than that – we’ve just been here. Surviving. Getting some snow (FINALLY!!!!) I’m a huge fan of a good old fashioned snowstorm. When my family is all home together. We haven’t had any all winter –then got two good ones in one week! In March no less…

I feel like my weeks as of late have been full of just “blah”… the dreariness of doing the same thing over and over and over again – always cold, always feeling just slightly under the weather, always exhausted, always running around with kids or cleaning up after kids or chasing down doctors for kids.  There are always more bills to be paid (just got another stack of medical bills in the mail today – not helping my mood at all!), more things to clean up, more laundry piling up – and never enough me to go around to everything. (I’m purely just whining at this point – i know everyone goes through this, our situation is not unique, i’m not looking for sympathy – just purely venting!) i am tired of feeling tired and worn down and like i will never get out of this hole I feel stuck in. Tired of the gray hairs that cropped up overnight during last week’s logitical nightmare with the party/hospital stay craziness. Tired of making excuses for my own poor eating/health habits. Tired of not having nearly enough energy to make any kind of changes to the above.

thank God for a few very good friends who can deal with my blahness and whininess and pull me out of my funk for a few hours at least. Thank God for the hundreds(? – it seemed like it was that many!) of you who helped make Kealey’s party a success. I seriously could not have done it without you! (And also I have bags and video games and tupperwares that need to be returned! contact me to claim yours today!) You are all the reason I have not fully resorted to rocking in the corner sucking my thumb. Seriously. I cannot even begin to tell you thanks – your notes, messages, help with everything i’ve needed help with, prayers – they all help me function.

Karissa had her followup ortho appointment yesterday – the one where we found out how many thousands of dollars her jacked up teeth are going to cost us. She is going to need three phases of treatment. The first involves an expander. I can hardly type or think of that word without cringing. I’m sure some of you have dealt with these nastified things before. I personally do not know how i am going to do it. supposedly we are supposed to adjust it every night? Hers is going to be more like every weekend, when Ben is home to do it. I can drop an NG, drain intestinal contents, catheterize, and beat mucus out of lungs. But I draw the line at twisting a metal appliance in my child’s mouth meant to stretch her bones out. Nope. Not gonna happen. I about fell off my chair with how bad i was cringing at the doctors description of all this. I do not do teeth. I don’t do them in myself and i certainly don’t feel like subjecting my child to that torture. You know that part in Princess Bride where they hook Wesley up to the sucking machine? That’s how i feel about this torture device they want to put in Karissa’s mouth. She will have to wear it with a facemask at night for at least one year. She has to have two baby teeth yanked, neither of which has an adult tooth behind it. (We share this dental disease – missing adult teeth. I’m just smart and never went to the dentist to have them tell me my teeth were in the wrong place.) The tech was like “this isn’t painful, it’s just pressure”. I was all “that’s exactly what childbirth is, but they still give you an epidural if you cry hard enough for one.”

So we get to start THAT fun merry-go-round of MORE appointments some time next month.

And last but not least – Kendall’s anemia. Kendall has had “anemia” her whole life – in the sense that her hemoglobin and hematocrit (measurements of the red blood cells in your blood, the ones that carry oxygen throughout your body) are always low (below the limits that the lab considers a “normal” range for someone Kendall’s age). She has needed transfusions before, but typically only when she is septic and her body is chewing through blood faster than she can produce it. You remember her early February hospitalization? For the high heartrates we could not control? That was due to the anemia. Except at that point, her lab numbers were still in the “too high for a transfusion” range. Now that she’s dropped a couple points past THAT low, her body is not giving us the red flags that it had been – it is yet another kendallism. She is obviously not feeling very good at all (totally expected with her crappy counts), and is very tired most of the time. Her body would be doing TONS better with a blood transfusion right now – but unless we go camp out at the hospital, there’s no good way to do this. She had dropped again last week, but held on all weekend (as far as her vitals go – her body is in a hugely compensatory mode – but it IS compensating, which is a good thing). Tomorrow morning we will pull more labs and hopefully have the results by the afternoon so we can make a decision either way.

We know she has a mixture of iron-deficient anemia (iron/ferritin being the building blocks for red blood cells, and most of us get iron via the foods we eat as they are broken down in our stomachs. Not having a reliable stomach-breaking-down-ability combined with not eating a whole lot of anything of substance doesn’t make for a very high ferritin count), along with anemia of chronic disease. She has been receiving oral iron supplementation (it goes into her tubes) for a couple months now – but it is very hard on her GI tract and we have had to stop it in the past due to it causing GI bleeds. Her body HAS been doing a good job of keeping her iron stores up, keeping her counts up, compensating in every way possible. But it’s getting worn out now. I do believe that it CAN bring itself back up – but it’s going to need a boost of some kind. It is unlikely to come up on it’s own anytime soon, which leads us to needing to do an iron infusion (IV iron) as a very likely solution. Some people rely on iron infusions for a few months/years – Kendall may only need one or two to give her that boost back up that she needs. That’s my best case scenario hope at least.
I am not sure what the timing of such a thing would be. Iron Infusions need to be done at the hospital until there is proof that they are well tolerated. Ben is in some warm southern state this week, and will be leaving a few hours after he gets home again to drive to Texas to help his mom move up here. Leaving me trying to juggle kids and schedules again if we need to drive up north (why does he get to go south to warmth and I get to go north to coldness???) Anyways – let’s just all hope and pray and sing kum-ba-yah in an effort to ignore the possibility that we might need to go up there anytime soon.

daily attitude Ok I think that is about as much whining as i can stand from myself for one day.
Sorry i’ve been gone for so long. I really do miss blogging when i go on these hiatuses –b ut some days i just don’t know how to say what i’m feeling, without just absolutely hating how whiney it all sounds. Warm weather is coming though right? And at the end of the day, it’s all about the CHOICE to change your attitude, and change your life. I know I’ve got a lot of changing to do.
Hopefully there’s some great news next time I update!

Thank you again, all of you –for reading, messaging, commenting, praying – in general – thanks for being my friend.

Love and hugs~


DisneyWorld or Bust!

In just a shade more than 6 hours, the Atkinson-mobile will roll out headed towards all points south! It is fully loaded with all of our luggage, the portable mobile version of Atkinson General hospital loaded into the back of the Denali, “entertain me” bags for the three big kids stowed by their seats. i wish i was the kind of organized mom who had made up cutesy little personalized color-coded bags with wrapped gifts for the girls on their way down there…Yeah now i’m feeling more guilty.
Ok no time for that!

What we DO have is a boatload of excitement! It was a little tense this afternoon as I went to finalize the girls’ bags that they packed the day after Christmas (they were a teensy bit overzealously excited!), and realized that they had pretty much NOTHING in their bags that was usable. For instance, Kaylen had 14 long sleeve shirts, and 1 pair of pants that matched exactly none of them. Plus two pairs of mittens. And a swimsuit that was too big for Karissa so she graciously passed it on to Kaylen. (For the uninitiated, this would not work. Karissa is a very skinny size 7, and Kaylen is a short but stocky size 5. It was interesting to say the least…) So i had to spend a whirlwind hour re-packing all three big girls (because by this time Ben was home and wanted to pack up the car). Got them all packed, finalized my and Kendall’s suitcase (I couldn’t find her Cinderella dress and holy crap I just realized I don’t have her glass slippers either!!!)

Luckily I had spent a couple hours yesterday getting Kendall’s meds all sorted and bagged up, making sure her “go-bag” (it’s like a diaper bag on crack – has all of her emergency/needed supplies for all of her tubies and attachments) was up to date, updating the paperwork for the travelling chart, etc. I “think” think think everything is set up and ready to go. At least as much as it can be. I am nervous for half my family to be driving without me (not that Ben can’t do it all masterfully – i just hate when we are split up!) I am nervous for getting Kendall and her redonk amount of meds and fluids and STUFF to be screened through TSA. i am nervous for her health. We found out that her blood counts had taken a nosedive in three days (between admit day on sunday and regular lab day on Wednesday.) She is hovering barely above the level she needed transfused at a couple years back, and her body’s stores to make more H&H (hemoglobin/hematocrit) are abysmally low. Overall, she is holding her own against these low values and I am really hoping that between our amazing prayer warriors, our amazing God who hears them all, and a little Disney magic thrown in for good measure, that all of this will be nothing more than the nervous worryings of an over-thinking momma.

Even right now, as I type this in preparation for packing up my laptop to take the trip with Ben in the car, i can hear her upstairs whimpering in pain, coughing up a lung like she’s been doing for a couple weeks now. She will be ok, because she always IS ok. But it hurts my heart a little bit, if i’m completely honest. I just want her to have the trip of her dreams, meeting her princesses, seeing the castle, experiencing the magic of the Happiest Place on Earth.

It’s gonna be awesome. no matter what  – it’s going to be an awesome trip. Because we will all be together, and making memories, and laughing and smiling and in general being crazy. I can hardly wait!

I have a busy full day tomorrow. Running a few last minute errands to get the rest of her medical equipment in place, packing up our airplane bags, finishing up the laundry and cleaning the house so we don’t come back to the chaos it is currently in after a very crazy afternoon. Meeting with a good friend to go over our plan of attack for seeing as much as we can in the two days we are at the park. Just breathing.

I hope I can actually sleep tonight. I’m SO excited for my babies, for all of us! I know some of you are just about as excited as we are – and I can’t tell you how much that means to us! To have so many of you rooting for us and with us! We will do our best to keep things updated – either on the blog here or on one of the Facebook pages that are over to the top left (Terra Talking the Blog page or Hope For Kendall page). Prepare to be buried in bajillions of pictures!

Ok i better go try to figure out something for littlest miss, make sure all the snacks are ready for the car, see if i can get some sleep before waking up at 4 to help get the big girls loaded up in the car!

Thank you so much to everyone who has been a part of helping us get where we are going! Your love, prayers and support mean so much!

Til next time – where i’ll be coming to you live from Orlando! –



(Photo credits to Google Images/respective copyright owners)


My friend Cheryl Lynn likes to use this phrase a lot. I kind of tease her about it. But mostly, I really really like it. Because it sums up so well the attitude with which we should live out most of our actions on most days. Why do stuff that doesn’t really help you enjoy life?

But the way that I am mostly referring to it for the purposes of this post is in the way that blood is life-giving. k4hosp2d As a Christian, i of course believe in the very real giving of Christ’s blood as the payment for my salvation. And I guess in some ways, seeing my daughter receive an infusion of blood that is not her own, as a way to restore life to her tired little body – really brought this home. how often do you really think of your own blood? Probably not until it is gushing out of some wound inflicted by a clumsy wielding of kitchen instruments or you are wiping up the few drops of it leaking out of a small scrape on your child’s knee that is inducing major wailing and flailing. And until you are faced with the realization that something is going wrong with that blood coursing through your veins and carrying oxygen to your body, you really probably rarely think about how very life-giving it is.

This week, we have had to confront this reality head on. Over the last few days since we were made aware of the fact that Kendall’s body was either losing too much blood from unknown source, or was destroying its own red blood cells, we have watched as her k4hosp2h body has become weaker. In response to not having enough blood to take oxygen around her whole body, her feet and hands have become colder, and her little heart has been having to pump pretty gosh darn hard in order to keep things moving along effectively. Because of all that extra work, it has made her tired in a way that is beyond tiredness. (And grumpier in a way that is BEYONDDDD grumpy – but we’ll choose to skip over that little “less-than-angelic” detail for now…)

In spite of the very very frustrating methodical approach her doctors have taken to figure out the problem, they have indeed been VERY good at trying to locate the reason why Kendall’s blood counts have taken such a hit. I realize that what I have been spewing out here and there on Facebook were quick versions of my frustration – but overall, the big game plan was always to find the reason and THEN transfuse if she needed it. i have not necessarily agreed with how LONG it took to get to this point. But the steps required to get here were necessary. After nearly melting down and in fact breaking down on the phone to my dear friend/2nd mommy to my big girls, and then to my own real mommy, I was able to somehow (by the grace of God and all your prayers for me and the pygmies) pull it together enough to write out my 19 questions for the baby doctors on rounds, and then calmly present them. An awesome mom of a beautiful mito angel was able to reach out and help calm me down, talk me through the issues, and share the knowledge that she has gained on this crazy weird journey of the medically challenging complex child. And then i spent a lot of time last nite watching it snow, looking at the clock at realizing it was after midnite, and that good things happen on snow days. It’s true. I couldn’t sleep very well, and so Jesus and I just had some hang out time. I told him how pissed off I was, and he said “that’s cool. But I got this. I always got this. Don’t you forget it.” (and in case you’re thinking that I’ve been stuck in a hospital room living off coffees and oreos for just a tweed bit too long – you’re right. But we really did have a chit-chat, Jesus and me.)

And he sure enough indeed DID have this.

Doctors came to rounds ready to all pitch in and help pinpoint exactly what we could do to get Kendall better, and then get her ready to go home, and hopefully stay the heck away k4hosp2g from this place for a good long while! Just about every single one of my questions was answered within the first three minutes of rounds, without me having to even ask the questions. Our attending doc (the main dude calling the shots for Kendall while she’s inpatient – it changes every two weeks, so we had a different attending when we were here last week) was so very on top of all of my concerns already. He is so quick to explain everything, but also to listen (and HEAR) my concerns and questions. Anyways – the outcome was that Hematology would be paged to consult today ASAP so we could get her transfused. It became not a question of if but when. The meds they had started last nite to try to compensate for the nutritional deficiencies they thought she was having were discontinued until we have further evidence that that is the problem. All of her antibiotics and antifungals were discontinued also! This is a HUGE help for going home because that med schedule was getting CRAZY to try to handle on my own! The only kinda bummer part about rounds is that they ARE going to need to go forward with the scopes for kendall, but those can’t happen until Monday or more likely Tuesday. We are trying to coordinate with surgery to have Kendall’s port replaced at the same time (assuming her blood counts respond nicely to the transfusions), since her PICC line is being less than helpful this week!

So – a lot going on. Even for a Saturday.

Very life-giving to my very frustrated, very exhausted, very stressed out soul.

but I think the biggest heart swelling moment I had today, was when our nurse came in all gowned up, with the charge nurse right behind, and performed the “ceremony” necessary to begin a blood transfusion. They check and double check and triple check every component of that bag with Kendall’s bracelets/numbers/info. it was kind of like watching… i don’t even know. Just a ceremonial ritual. And I realized that someone, somewhere, with A negative blood, had taken a few hours of their day a few weeks ago, to give blood. That person could be walking around this hospital or they could have been at the mall eating Panda Express orange chicken. And that those few hours of sacrifice would mean that my baby could get some energy back, get some life back to her. I mean, I know this. I have been a very faithful blood and plasma donor in the past. I am on the National Marrow Registry and have actually been called to be a donor for a patient who has thus far remained in remission (but they still call and keep tabs on me every once in a while to make sure I would still donate if things changed.) I am not trying to turn this into a PSA for giving blood.

I am simply saying –

It’s an amazing thing to witness. The giving of blood from one human being to another. The giving of life.

Within one hour of the infusion starting, I got a little panicky because I noticed Kendall looking reddish on her face. They went over “reactions” with me, and a “weird rash” was one of the top signs to watch for. I bent down to look at her at eye level (she was in her little red car that we push her around in in the hospital), and I realized it was not a rash – it was color coming back to her skin. She has been such a pasty shade of greyish chalk-colored blah that the oxygenated blood circulating through her body was making her glow pink again! I had tears in my eyes for just a second. Praising God that all things really had worked together on this “snowy day”.

And just like that day on the cross so many years ago when Jesus gave HIS blood for all of US to have that “shiny pink glow”, that life-giving LIFE to our life, He really did indeedblood1 “have this”.

all along.

I don’t know why I doubt it sometimes.

Thank you donors everywhere. Because of you – my baby is actually finally resting tonite. And by tomorrow, she’ll be pink again.

Life-giving to the max.



Terra & Kendall

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