smile.

My baby’s smile.

such a small thing – i admit i took it for granted many times.

But seeing it again, after 7 long achey days – was so amazing. Truly amazing.

I find myself torn between wanting to rehash down to the most minute details what transpired this past week, and on the other hand wanting to never ever relive this heartache again. our nurses are so good, not only with kendall’s high level of care, but with my high level of emotional needs. They tell me that I need to and deserve to fully process it – to hear the scary words spoken out loud so that I can not be afraid of them, to know just how truly miraculous her recovery is right now and will be in the weeks to come.

I think I will try to sit down and talk with the admitting doctor up here on the floor, the ones who literally saved her life that night. i think I need to. Even though i already kind of know what she is going to say, i have a vague sense of how very bad things were that night – I need to hear it said out loud and I need to say it out loud.

But not today, not right now.

Today we are working on getting Kendall stronger.

Today we are looking FORWARD, moving onward and upward!

Kendall has been receiving physical therapy in the hospital since Saturday to try to help her muscles regain their tone and remember how to work together to help her sit up, move her legs, reposition and support herself, and get back to the walking, bouncing, crazy kid she was a couple weeks ago. PT involves doing some leg exercises (she hates them) and then sitting up without the bed or pillows around her for small increments of time. She made it a total of 10 seconds on Saturday, and 10 seconds yesterday. Today we will probably try for 15 or maybe 20 seconds. I tell you this to give you a framework for how very much this infection took out of her. She is improving FAR beyond everyone’s expectations – but this will be a long road. Or so they tell me. I know my KQ though.

She has this DRIVE for life that I don’t think i would have, faced with all she has been faced with. She does not know that she “should be” pretty sick still. She does not know that an X-ray like hers would have most kids poked with chest tubes to drain the fluids and possibly still intubated for breathing assistance. She just doesn’t let anything hold her back. And I know this about my amazing little girl.

Even when she is “well”, and she has to wear her backpack around all day, or get hooked up to multiple tubes at bedtime, or can’t go outside and play because it’s too hot – she doesn’t complain. She doesn’t ask “why me” or “why don’t sissies have backpacks and tubies”. Those days may come – but for right now, Kendall is just happy with who she is, in whatever form she currently is in. She is just filled with this joy and zest for life that is unrivaled, even in my other girls. They are all amazing girls for all they go through, don’t get me wrong. But Kendall’s FIGHT to live her life is her miracle, her legacy.

I just sit through rounds listening to all of her team be SHOCKED at the amazing progress kendall has made and is making, and nod my head in an “i know! i told you so!” way. She gave them all a shock last week with how bad she went downhill so quick, and they are just as shocked this week at how good she is doing. I credit her progress to a few different things: a.) it’s just who Kendall is, no two ways around it. b.) the amazing efforts of the team here and their knowledge of how to handle a crash of Kendall’s severity, and c.) the massive amounts of prayers covering her from around the world. None of this would be possible without all three of those things.

I hope, more than anything, that as you read Kendall’s story this past few weeks, that you know that.  That she IS a strong amazing little girl, that she is in the hands of some world-class amazing physicians, but that most of all, the glory and praise belong to God. I am not quite ready to mentally handle the reality of what all transpired last week, maybe in a few days or few weeks I will be, but what I do know is that Kendall’s recovery is truly miraculous. What purpose God decided to spare her for, I do not know. I hope it is because through her, many people will see God at work in their lives. I hope her story inspires you to hug your kids a little tighter, relax a little on the “small stuff”, enjoy time as a family together. i hope that by her example, you feel like you can push through that hard task staring you in the face. I hope because of her, you too are able to look adversity in the face and say “ I dare you to come after me. Just you try it.”

Whatever or however Kendall and her story have touched you – I’d love to hear it. I have heard from so many of you through cards, emails and facebook messages. Your stories touch me at my soul, give me a sense of strength and pride that give me the stamina to keep going through the exhaustion – physical, mental, emotional – that threatens to overtake me many times. So please feel free to share!

I need to get to an update about how her body is holding up physically, system by system, so i’ll wrap this one up for now.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for being here, being a part of our journey.

Keep on Keepin’ On – and remember, Hope is a Good Thing.

 

Terra.

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Comments

  1. Tara,
    My heart is so sad that your family has to go through such an ordeal. I will join your large pray team, praying for a miracle of healing for your beautiful little girl!

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