Roll On 18 Wheeler.

Ok I have no idea what the 18 wheeler reference means – i just know it’s an old Alabama song about movin’ on. Or some such.

Anyways – wow it has been a minute since i posted.

We’ve been here, just rollin on like we do. we made it through Kendall’s marathon 6 weeks of IV antibiotics with that crazy, sleep-depriving schedule. I held my breath for the entire first week off of antibiotics praying that she wouldn’t spike a fever or complain of leg pain or do anything else that might otherwise imply that she was trying to get sick again. And to be honest, i’m still not sure i’ve completely exhaled that fear yet.

IMG_1151 She’s doing great. Gained back some weight, gained back a lot of her lost strength and stamina, in many ways seems none the worse for wear based on how extremely sick she had been. I do not know how this kid does it. She embodies the Timex motto “Takes a Lickin’ and Keeps on Tickin’.” I can only pray for strength like hers. Because I on the other hand feel worn out every day. Like I will never catch up on sleep again. And it’s not even like i’m still missing sleep. It’s probably me needing to have my thyroid numbers looked at again or something stupid like that.

We’ve had a pretty packed first month of summer break. The girls and I are actually DOING stuff this summer – which is still such a challenge. It’s hard to leave Kendall behind even though I know it’s the best thing for her to keep her healthy. it’s also hard to tell the girls “no we can’t do that because Kendall can’t go”. Our nursing coverage has been awesome and that is helping me find a good happy medium of being out with the big girls and not feeling like Kendall is too deprived as we try to find a good mix each week.

Other than boring you with details about our trips to the library, Great America, Sandusky Ohio for dance nationals, or the billions of trips to Cherry Berry we’ve taken, there’s not a whole lot to update. have i mentioned how tired I am yet? I’m sitting here in the Panera, kidless for one whole day (Kendall is with her nurse and my big girls are up in the Dells with my parents), and all I really want to do is take a nap. I’m tired of feeling like this. I’m tired of feeling too tired to really do anything about it. Today is nice – feeling like i’m off the grid in a way. Reading a book, enjoying an iced coffee that no one is bugging me to have drinks of, not getting 829 snacks every five minutes for everyone. i am hopeful that this quiet helps restore my sense of health/energy/self/peace. I’m too tired to even put my tiredness into words.

Maybe it’s not just tiredness. maybe it’s just emotional overload. Or ongoing stress. i don’t know. I don’t really care WHY i feel so tired, i’m just tired of feeling this way. I feel sick if i eat food and I feel sick if i don’t eat food. i know I need to make some serious changes in what we are eating, and that I need to get out and walk or exercise more. i know all of this but actually getting the oomph to do it is a whole other ballgame. Anyways – i’m not trying to bore you all to tears with the ins and outs of my state of mind. It’s just where i’m at. I am so thankful for the friends I have who stick with me through the times of not wanting to talk at all and the times where I just want to talk about medical stuff and the times where I don’t want to do anything. Thanks to my family for always making me laugh no matter what. Thanks to everyone for everything you do for me, my kids, my family. I cannot thank enough people with enough thanks.

anyways – today is good. Kendall is doing well, my other kids are having fun, I have time to sit and think and breathe. In a few weeks I will take a quick trip with a friend for more time like this. And slowly but surely I will recover from those horrid few days in may and I will bounce back with the same energy Kendall has.  They will have changed me, somehow, slightly. Taken my innocence a little bit. I don’t think it’s possible to stare death in the face like we did and NOT be changed a little bit. But i will get my act together. I will not let those days in the past shape my days going forward.

For now I have  a birthday barbecue to plan for the 4th. I am so excited to have two of my three brothers here in town with their families, and other dear friends coming over to our house to crowd into our kitchen and the little pool Ben sets up every year. It’s always crazy but always fun. Gotta hit the store and stock up on the Cokes.

so that’s about all I have to say about that.

Till i have something more interesting to say –

 

Terra.

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