I’m back.

Did you miss me?

I missed me.

I missed here.

I am not even sure what the blog looks like anymore really. I should probably fix that.

To explain why it’s been so long since i’ve blogged would probably break the interwebs with the length of post it would take. And really, it wasn’t any one thing or reason in particular. It is a mixture of things, tossed in with timing, priorities, all that kind of stuff. I am sure part of it will come out in time.

But I started thinking – Why is it i started blogging in the first place? What is this blog for?

And I think the answer is to tell our story, to tell my story. To record memories. To interact with friends, family, the world at large.

And a part of what happened is that some people started turning those stories against me. Things I say or things I would talk about were being discussed by people who had no right to dissect my words. I was too emotional or I used too many swear words or i didn’t say this right or such and such made so and so look bad. I was being given all these boundaries within which my writing was supposed to fit – and it made me tired.

I realized though – over the past few months of having my thoughts only rolling around in my own mind and not being able to put them here in my own little space – that

Life Is Messy.

It is not always full of sunshine and roses and it will not always make everyone happy to hear about the stormy times, the cloudy days and the flowerless paths that sometimes get wandered down.

Sometimes I don’t always make the smart choice. Sometimes I don’t even make the right choice.

But they are my choices. I make them and I live with them and sometimes I write about them.

And always, I live with them.20140514_160024400_iOS

So this is my life.

This is my family and these are my people and these are the choices we make in any given day.

This is what I want to remember –t he stuff of life. The ups, and the downs.  These are our days, and these are our stories. My life today, my life yesterday, and what I hope life looks like in all my tomorrows.

Sometimes I will tell you what’s going on with Kendall – and that is just what it is. my view on how kendall is doing. It is not medical fact. It is just a tired mom trying to make sense of a medically complicated kiddo who wants desperately to keep up with her sisters but whose body doesn’t always cooperate with that.

Sometimes I might just write about how much I am currently in love with a mint/coral/gold color scheme and that will be all that is. Pure fluff. But it’s what might be on my mind.

colors Always I will share the things that make me laugh. My kids are hysterical sometimes, yo. I am in love with watching them grow up and develop their own personalities. Somedays i feel like i’ve been in this fog of motherhood – survival mode – and i’m just realizing how truly amazing my little humans are.

I have a lot of thoughts most days. And I hate feeling like I have to censor myself sometimes, for fear of what people might think. I’m tired of feeling like that. It’s exhausting and not life-giving at all.

So i’ve been going through some stuff and i’m ready to get back here, to one of my favorite places in the whole world, my blog. It’s been kind of lonely without it. I miss the interactions I have with some of you. I especially miss knowing when i’ve made you laugh!

And I think that’s about all I have to say about that for today.

I need to update on back to school. I did at least take first day pictures, even if i didn’t plaster it all over my facebook or here on the blog. And of course, there are multiple issues and complications with kendall starting school. Leave it to that one to turn back to school into a full time job for me. Speaking of jobs – I need one – SOON! Badly. No i’m not sure when or how i’ll fit this in but i’ve gotta do something.  too bad nobody wants to pay me thousands of dollars to blog! Or pin stuff. Or make brownies. I am VERY VERY VERY GOOD at those things.

I have a vlog coming soon too. Don’t be too excited. It’s about mascara. Because i kind of have a closet mascara addiction.

So what’s new with you? talk to me!!! i missed you all – and now i’m back. So grab some coffee and pull up a chair.

Thanks for coming back to see me!!!

love –

 

me.

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Comments

  1. Seriously?! People are whining about your story? Excuse my language, but fuck them. I couldn’t walk around the block in your shoes. You get to tell your story any way you want.

    Anywho, speaking of jobs, I joined the ranks of working mamas last week! It’s a part time gig, but it’s already crazy trying to juggle activities with work.

  2. I”m glad to see you back and I’m so sorry people were talking negatively about your blog. You are entitled to your views and feelings both good, bad and in between! You amaze me with all you do for Kendall and the rest of your Krew!

  3. Terra, if you have to stop and think about who you might offend when you write then you will never be able to just type out your thoughts. There are always people who think they should comment on or critique others. Let these people just delete your blogs….you didn’t need them anyway.

  4. I kind of stopped for the same reason. I didn’t have thick enough skin to be mocked. It is a tricky mix. Nobody reads this! Why bother? How vain of me to talk to myself. Oh wait, you read it and have criticism? I didn’t ask for that.

  5. No one has any right to criticize your life, unless they are living it day in and day out. I have missed the blogs and fb updates, but have continued prayers for your whole family each night (if I don’t fall asleep midway!) Continue being you and sharing what you want. Some people aren’t worth it. I have also found that out recently!

  6. Eff those dooshes. You’re my girl – no one has a right to judge your journey. I’ve had my own chaos this year, so I’ve been somewhat disconnected from the bloggy world, just now reading this. Any my favorite quote ever is “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” If you gave up blogging, I couldn’t stalk you and feel like I haven’t missed a beat of your crazy/wonderful/blessed/chaotic life. I miss you… We def need an Arby’s run.
    “The haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate…”

  7. Terra, firstly hey! I’m your British stalker. Please don’t let nasty trolls stop you from sharing yourself and your family. I have suspected mito but have been pretty seriously ill (NOT ILL PICU ILL) from 16 (& looking back can see the progression from infancy). Kendall and you are such an inspiration to me (& ks 1.2 &3). In an earlier post you mentioned that you didn’t feel like you could be as open àbout kendall due to a few trolls on the periphery of kendalls care. And it’s changed your blog as it now feels like you are constantly editing to make exactly sure that things are 100% accurate etc. Why can’t these trolls just press the little x on the top of their screens and go find someone else to try and bully? Anyhoò you should write a book . You and your girls are an inspiration to me. I owe you all so much for helping me let go of my anger towards God and not only the philosophy of keepin on but also to find those little moments of joy and mà?è the absolute most. Your words are so dear to me and encompass highs and lows but with a laugh, tears or the odd smirk. Never let the haters bring you down or stifle you and your God given creativity – especially with your writing

    I hope this makes sense! Don’t let the trolls win

    Road xoxo

    • I’ve been gone a while – well, here, but absent and disconnected from my writing. My passion. And honestly – you may never know how much THIS comment right here is part of what got my fingers moving again, my words flowing again. So thank you. And yes please email me anytime~ <3 ( terrarist101@gmail.com )