home sweet home

It is so very good to be home.

This was a tough weekend. I think, to be honest, it will take me a while to fully be able to process how i think and feel about all that happened. Or didn’t happen. I didn’t expect anything more than that she would just be kept alive, but you know, you always  KIND OF hope that maybe someone will ask the right questions, order the right labs, and THE ANSWER will make itself known. Didn’t happen this time though!

I am in that fog that envelops you after you come home from being inpatient. Even though it was only three days this time, your body adjusts to this very odd lack of real time in the hospital. You get little sunlight in our tower, so its hard to tell what the real world is doing. You run on a lot of adrenaline and even more vending machine fuel. You watch stupid television simply because its a distraction. And you ride the time between vitals checks and rounds and the next big test.

so then you come home, and your body rebels against the sudden thrust back into having to walk more than ten feet to the bathroom and maybe thirty feet to the nutrition room. And having to deal with more than one child and having to be your own night nurse and make sure she’s still breathing and hasn’t yanked her tube. It’s a tough re-entry. But i’ll be all good tomorrow.

I know I still have a lot to process from this weekend’s visit. Saturday afternoon was probably one of the roughest times I have ever had as Kendall’s mom. I am not quite done internally processing it. And my mother told me I write too much anyways. i need to make my posts shorter she says. My dad just tells me I don’t have the shoulders to write long blog posts. i need therapy.  maybe we all do.

so instead of dealing with it in this tired adrenaline-depleted state, i’ll shove that all down and laugh out loud instead. i told some friends I’d post this here.




Cause sometimes you just need an old school laugh out loud time.


thank you from the bottom of all of our hearts for the prayers and thoughts on Saturday. we KNOW that they are truly what kept Kendall here with us, as she is now, still her smiley self – bouncing back with an amazing strength from a hellish weekend. She was so excited to be back in her bed last nite, and ECSTATIC to see her sisters this morning when we all woke up.

she is tired today a little more than usual, and spiked a nice little fever this afternoon, which i decided to treat with tylenol, a nap, and a hefty dose of ignorance. And sure enough – all of the above took care of it! I hope that isn’t a fun new side effect of Kendall disease – random fevers. i mean, she has NOn-random fevers now (she starts out every day at 97.3 and will be up to 99 something at some point EVERY DAY). The 100 she got to today was a little disturbing, because she also FELT like she was burning up (and her body likes to do things in opposite world – like last week when she felt burning up and her temp was 95.) But whatever. Kendall disease strikes again!

I have every faith that tomorrow (oh my gosh it’s today already….) TODAY will be a better day. We’ll all feel better. all be recovered. I will be able to function again. Create a to-do list and actually get things crossed off of it.

yep. that’s what i am going to do.

right after i make a big pot of coffee.

hope you enjoyed this shortened version of terra talking. don’t get used to it. my verbose self will be back from her hiatus soon.


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  1. Terra, you must be one of the strongest mothers out there to be dealing with all you’re going through, and still have the stamina to take care of your other children. I am praying for your continued strength, and of course for your adorable Kendall. Griffin heard me talking to Jim, and asked her name, and said “we are going to pray for her every night until she gets better.” And trust me he has not let a night go by without reminding me to pray for her.

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