I’m going to be pretty honest with you all today – and probably with myself too if I think about it.
But today I am just kind of hanging on. Not because of anything in particular, or even a bunch of “bad” things piled up. But just because it’s been a long winter and today marks 2 straight months of sickness in our house/for Kendall, and last year on 2/2 was the day that Kendall was officially diagnosed as Failure to Thrive and we started this journey. So like I was saying, its just been a really long….year. And today I just feel done. I’d like to buy a vowel please – and can that vowel be located on a warm tropical island where no children are allowed and nothing medical ever happens and you magically lose 85 lbs when you land there? Yes, that vowel. That’s the one I’d like to buy, Pat.
This is part of the “done-ness”. Our fridge looks like this. Pretty empty. I mean sure, we have some basics – a few eggs, some country crock, one tube of crescent rolls, a big bowl of ceviche i made while the fridge was dying, kendall’s medicine, one thing of gatorade and some pedialyte, and a tub of playdough. Which is supposedly edible. and pumpkin flavored! No coke though. Maybe that is what depresses me! I am honestly shocked to find how much of our day revolves around food that comes out of the fridge. No peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, cause we had to toss the jelly out. No cereal cause we have no milk. Is this getting whiney? Sorry. I just am shocked at the amount of money we had to pay to fix this fridge, the amount of food we had to toss out, and the amount of STENCH still emanating from it in spite of being bleached and scrubbed and doused with baking soda. In a word – it sucks.
And honestly – I have no idea how I am going to get it filled back up again. Payday is a few weeks away still. I don’t even know how to go about making a list of what I need again besides the obvious basics (see above!) But you know what? I believe in a God who knows exactly how it will get filled back up again. I believe that God DOES care about my crappy stinky fridge, just as much as he cares about my myriad other problems, and YOUr myriad other problems – big and small.
This blanket reminds me of that.
See, I was handed this blanket in a bag from a friend a couple weeks ago at church. The note inside was from a dear sweet girl who reads this blog. She lives with her family in Mexico. She knit this blanket for Kendall as she prayed for her for the past few months. And I look at this blanket every day and I think – wow. Someone was PRAYING for us – each and every one of those hard days back then. And I know that every day, someone else is praying for us, even when we feel like we do’nt have the strength around here to pray for ourselves. And we are NEVER alone. We will NEVER be forsaken or forgotten or truly go hungry because our fridge broke down.
Thank you SO much to the wonderful person who knit this blanket – I don’t have your permission to post your name here, so I won’t. But you know who you are, and I cannot express to you what your act of generosity meant to me. Even down to the detail that the colors you chose are quite possibly my own personal favorite color combo ever…your blanket is like a very personalized note from heaven that no matter how crappy my day may be, or feel like, I don’t really have to endure it alone. And somehow, that makes it a little easier to deal with. So thank you – from the bottom of my heart. When it’s not being photographed, this blanket is in Kendall’s bed, where I tell her the story of where it came from and what it means on a near daily basis.
so that’s where things are tonite. I am putting them in God’s hands. Because, well, mind are kind of full. And kind of tired of carrying everything. I am just very very tired. Even as I sit here, I myself still can’t breathe at 100%, and I can hear two, possibly three, different babies hacking up a lung upstairs. Again. Or still. Six more weeks of winter – I hope we all survive!
I really am sorry for the debbie downer tone of this post. But I just thought I needed to kind of lay it out there. Life isn’t always sunshine and roses. In fact, it rarely is. But i can say that tomorrow will be better simply because I have FAITH that it will. I have FAITH that as big as my problems can sometimes be, they are never too big for the God I believe in, the God who can send a perfectly colored blanket to revive a winter-weary soul at just the right time. You gotta be willing to accept some of the bad, so that you can really truly appreciate just how good the good is.
Tomorrow will be all about the good, I promise.
He’s got the whole world, In His Hands,
He’s got the little bitty babies, In His Hands,
He’s got my stinky empty refrigerator, In His Hands –
He’s got the Whole World In His Hands.
peace in the middle east –