Ben’s Surgery.

Remember those audio books from the library back when we were kids? “turn the page when you hear this noise – *ding!*”  That’s how I feel like this post is going to be. A book about a boy named Ben and why he had surgery on his knee this past week. Let’s begin.


Once upon a time there was a boy named Ben. He liked to play soccer. He liked to play lots of soccer. terratalkingbensurg4 He has been playing soccer since he was 3 years old, and really hasn’t ever stopped. That is a lot of years to play soccer. Like a lot a lot. But it made him happy so every Monday nite ever since his family could remember, he played soccer with a bunch of other crazy dudes who thought they were still 18 his friends.terratalkingbensurg5


And then one nite, Ben got tackled into the knees from the front. And his crazy friends just about threw down ghetto style on the soccer field. But they refrained. And Ben   had bruised up swollen knees and probably should have sat down and iced them then. But he didn’t. He did take one week off however because he had to go somewhere for work. But the next week Ben went to play soccer…



and he played almost that whole game. Except at the very end he went to get up and he twisted in some weird way and heard a pop. Hearing “pops” or “snaps” of any kind in relation to any part of your body = not a good thing. (there’s your free medical advice from Dr. Terra for today.) So then Ben decides to sit down and put ice on his knee. And his wife walked in just then to see Ben grimacing in pain and his crazy friends standing around him and she knew he had actually done something this time. The fact that Ben did not argue at all about being driven to the ER (two things that normally would be fought against – a.) having someone else drive, and b.) going to see a doctor) were also positive signs that something was indeed wrong.


So Ben and Terra sat in the ER. In one of the only open rooms in the ER. which happened to be either  a converted closet or the tornado shelter area for pygmy mice. Legit cinder block prison. With one way cameras up high in the wall, zero equipment in the room, and our own police escort outside the room for our nextdoor neighbor who was strapped to his terratalkingbensurg6bed for chasing his brother around the house with a knife. (I * heart * ER’s). Anyways, after Doogiette proclaimed Ben’s knee “not broken, per the Xray”, she drugged him up and sent us on our way home with orders to find an orthopedic surgeon ASAP. Code for “I have no idea what else to tell you but that dude’s knee is definitely effed up.”


So Ben hobbled around on his crutches and in his huge knee immobilizer, but we found a doctor to get him in the next day. That doctor explained the anatomy of the knee, and what he felt like was the problem, but that Ben would need an MRI in order to fully assess what else could be going on. And then he added in the caveat that Ben would likely need surgery. This made Ben SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!



Blah blah blah, MRI showed problems, surgery was scheduled. EARRRRRRLLLYYYYYY on the morning of the day of surgery, Ben and Terra drove to the hospital. Where Ben had to put on a silly gown, and wanted to know why he had to take his underwear off for surgery on his knee (although we did find out some very informative reasons as to why – namely that it is a heat conducting source in case of cardiac resuscitation among others.) And then…Ben got his leg shaved by a very nice lady named Greta. She did a great job. terratalkingbensurg3


and then it was time for Ben to go back to surgery. And maybe if Terra had had coffee or had not just spent hours alone in the waiting room the week before when their baby was in surgery or maybe if they had had some frigging chocolate in an effing vending machine anywhere within a two mile radius she would not have cried just a little bit as they wheeled Ben down the hallway. But she did cry, just a little bit, until she went in to settle into the place where all the other crazy people gather to wait for news of their loved ones and this waiting does things to your head so you end up just this side of normal most of the time waiting room.



The doctor FINALLY came out after what seemed like a very long time to tell Terra that Ben’s surgery had gone good, and he had been able to fix the problem, which was actually a much bigger problem than he had thought at first, but that even without most of his meniscus, he should be able to go play soccer again very very soon. And that he would give Ben some more good meds and see him in a week.

So after that week and lots more pain meds and lots of naps and some more pain meds and lots and lots of icepacks – Ben finally started to feel better.


And he will be able to play soccer again very very very soon.






*Disclaimer: Ben/Gimpster was made aware of this post before I actually posted it and was mostly consensual to its posting. Also mad props to Hyperbole and a Half for the blogging inspiration.*

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  1. Bwahahahahahahaha

    The only thing that would of been better…would of been to actually have the vlog watching you write and draw up the posters, take pics and type this baby up cause I can see the giggles and tears of laughter streaming down your face…

  2. Oh my gosh that has to be the funniest thing I’ve seen in quite awhile! And, Hyperbole and a Half is fabulous inspiration, no?
    Glad the Soccer Lover is on the mend!
    Mama M. talked about…Is it just me?

  3. Glad all is well! This should become a child’s book for when daddys have surgery!

  4. OK – really. Do not pass go. Put this on and get this story printed like yesterday. Hilarious. Not sure whether the target demographic is kids or adults – but please make an ebook version available for my e-reader. (I don’t have an e-reader, but I will. Someday.)

    I almost didn’t read this one. You are an awesome draw-er.

  5. O M G Chris has been banned from FLAG football because of the fact that he got TACKLED and I heard his knee pop from across the field. Yes – I said he got TACKLED playing FLAG football. I about lost my shiz on the jacknut who tackled him. Luckily, he did not actually tear anything & it ended up being a bad sprain but REALLY!

    I’m glad the surgery went well. I’m also glad to know I am not the only woman married to a perpetually 18 years old grown man.
    Dana K talked about…I am a Stay At Home Mom