It is three weeks today since I had my last taste of that beautiful nectar of the gods – cocacola.

I still crave it almost round the clock. I am relatively sure this is not normal. I am not sure if its due to the severity of my addiction, or if its physiological in nature. But either way, it sucks. I would have thought that cutting out that huge amount of coke would have cut my weight in half almost overnight, but no dice. I am frustrated, saddened, angry – and overall, pretty much blowing this out of proportion. but i really really really want a coke dangit!

I am tempted to go get some nicorette gum. Cause if it works for cigarettes, it must work for coke.

don’t try to confuse me with facts.

I think Kealey’s birthday was a good one. We went out to IHOP for breakfast, I finished sewing karissa’s dress, the girls played computer games, we finished kealey’s treat bags, she got on the bus, and we went to walmart to get stuff for a cake. Came home, made the cake, sang happy birthday, had dinner, and….

waited for Ben to come home. OH. in between all this fun stuff, I had to endure the most horrific whining over her loose tooth. I cannot describe to you the micromillimeter sized thread holding this tooth in. yet she would not just YANK it out, nor would she let me come near it. She preferred to just whine and moan. I have NO IDEA who she got that from. Probably Ben.

I am dead tired right now and I have no idea why. Its 10:30. We weren’t THAT active today. Maybe its just cause i am boring myself.

Exciting stuff coming up though.

We have four shoots this weekend, I have three to catch up on editing, planning a mom’s weekend, cleaning the house to have a small group PARTAY here on friday, getting ready for vacation, wow. yeah.  i better go to sleep now. i am making myself tired just thinking about all this…

 

terra

No I do not have a concussion. i don’t think…

anyways. I wanna take you back six years ago to this date.

See, this was my last day on earth as just me. As a singular identity, a sole proprietorship if you will.  A little over 24 hours from this time on that date 6 years ago, a little part of me died, and was reborn in the spirit that is Kealey Grace-Elisabeth. A little part of me was birthed into this other human, this little person, this tiny, wriggly, red wailing mess of emotions and dependency. And forever i was changed. I was no longer just "Terra" – wife, daughter, sister, friend. No I became SO much more than that, and yet became the most elementary simplistic of things – momma.

Six years ago on this day, I was 41 weeks pregnant, tipping the scales at some unheard of weight, slowly becoming pre-eclamptic, and in general – MISERABLE. I was convinced I would be pregnant forever. It hurt to lay down, it hurt to sit down, it hurt to stand up, it hurt to drive, think, eat, move – LIVE. We went in for our 41 week midwife appointment, where I remember trying to peek in my chart to see if this baby was a boy or a girl.("WE" had decided to let it be a surprise. but i was sick and tired of surprises. like the surprise of having my baby be a week late. Enough surprises. i want facts.) Anyways – the midwife came in, gave me THE MOST PAINFUL internal exam ever, pronounced me "softening, but only a fingertip dilated". I was disheartened. She said – "see you next week!!" I about died. I went back to work, where I had taken to the habit of sitting on a large birthing ball instead of my desk chair because of all the pain and pressure. I was IM’ing with my good friend Mia and kept telling her the baby was REALLY kicking hard and making my whole uterus cramp up. She quickly realized (being a mom of 4 herself) that it was contractions I was feeling and started timing them. I continued to work – working a 12 hour day that day, and finally heading for home around 6:30 pm. My contractions had steadily increased all day and had been solidly at 8 minutes apart for about three hours prior to me leaving work. I still didn’t think much of it, but it was starting to get kind of painful. I went home, woke Ben up for some home made dinner (cereal, my specialty), and then we watched a movie before he had to leave for work. (He was working the beautifully fun midnite shift at that point). I remember sleeping VERY fitfully that nite, and just having the most horrific cramplike pains all nite. STILL didn’t think I was in labor.

The morning of the 27th I got up and did my hair (cause, you know, its important to look cute when giving birth), met my mom and sister at the house where my mom worked at babysitting kids, and was quickly shuffled off home to call ben and wait for him.

The rest of the day is somewhat a blur. I think contractions started happenin faster and stronger. I will just never forget that moment when they laid this little slimy squirmy thing on my chest and ben leaned over and said – "you’re a momma jenny" (you’d have to have seen forrest gump to get that cause no he wasn’t mistaking me for his girlfriend named jenny).

and there i was. I had looked death in the eye, and won the right to bring forth a new life. I remember crying and crying and crying some more. SO completely amazed that I had just done that – that she had come from me.

And so I embarked on one of the most amazing journeys I have ever taken. I have been confronted with some of my deepest darkest fears being a mother – fearing the loss of my child, wondering how i would ever survive without any of them, hoping that i am not warping their minds too bad. But i have also experienced some of the highest highs in my life being a mom too. How can you put into words the love and elation and joy you derive from your children? You can’t.

All I know is that it changed my life forever.

so while some may celebrate mother’s day in May, tomorrow is my mother’s day. Today is the 6year anniversary of the death of my sanity. But tomorrow is the 6 year anniversary of the birth of my new self, my other self, my baby girl.

I hope its a good one baby.

 

love

 

mommy.

Cause its gonna be a long one folks!!!

I have not blogged in a week and BOY do i have a lot to say. Let’s start with a brief outline of the topics I wish to discuss, so that you can decide if you’d like to settle in for a quick read of my novella, or if you’d rather move on to more interesting things with your day, such as scrubbing the grout in the bathtub with a toothbrush or loading the dishwasher for the 87th time in three days. You decide.

• The Terra Quiz results show
• Gettting Pierced
• Marijuana Vending Machines
• New Lipgloss
• Revealing Revelations about myself

Titillating topics, no? So…if you’re in for the ride, come along. Let’s get started, shall we?

The Terra Quiz Results Show

I’ll just reveal my own answers, then tally up the points from those who played along.

1. Broken Bones -

  the correct answer is 2. But I re-broke one of them. So technically 3 bones. I broke my wrist bone in college when i was flung across the skating rink by the football team playing crack the whip. I broke my scapula (shoulder blade) in high school in a bus accident when a bus driver nailed our bus on our way back to school from softball practice. And last but not least, I broke my shoulder blade AGAIN, same one, in the year 2001 in an earthquake when the firesafe doors slammed shut on me huddled in the doorway at work, breaking off my acromion process. Hurt like a mo-fo. These are simply a random sampling of the many accidents that are my life. If its strange and completely random, chances are good that I have hurt myself in that way.

2. I had lived in 27 houses by the time I was 27. I rather enjoy my nomadic existence. That total is now up to 29 houses in 31 years.

3.  Ok so I can’t count. OR i chose to completely block Minnesota from my mind. I have lived in 6 states.  Virginia, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota (yuck), Washington, California, and now back to Illinois.

4.  My 5 majors in college: Biblical Studies (which I completed), Cross-Cultural Studies (which I also completed), Sports Medicine (of which I came painfully close to getting a minor in), Broadcast Journalism, and Communications. I really and truly wanted to be a journalist/tv broadcaster when I first embarked on my educational journey. I graduated with a degree in cross-cultural studies, became an office assistant/children’s pastor/lowincome housing developer/photographer and mom. Fun journey.

5. My favorite movie: i should have put a disclaimer on here that while Tommy Boy is in my top ten movies I laugh hysterically at, it is not my FAVORITE ever. I hope i am a little deeper than that. I was thinking most pointedly of The Shawshank Redemption, and my favorite quote from that movie "Hope is a good thing..maybe the best of things." A close second would be The Godfather 2. " i loved you fredo, but you broke my heart."

6. My song: "Closer to Fine", indigo girls. "I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper, and I was free. and the less i seek my source for some definitive, closer I am to fine. Yeah."

7.  Hands Down. the answer was D. I guess I should clarify that I would prefer Billie Joe to be semi-lucid and not stoned while playing acoustic, but the black nail polish is a MUST.  Billie Joe, JT and the indigo girls unplugged. i think i would die of happiness on the spot.

8.  My starbucks order: Venti chai latte. Noelle was close, in that she always ORDERS me a caramal macchiato, but my choice is always the same, the chai.

9.  Ok it was pointed out to me that I should have clarified my last meal request to be from a certain restaurant. Pretty much if I am ever on death row, the guards are going to be driving around to a lot of different places. Yes, I could die happy with a mcD’s coke, frosty and fries from WEndy’s. But my ideal meal would also include garlic mashed potatoes, chicken parmigian, and salad from Buca’s, a good raw steak from Weber grill, and a seafood ceasar from Red Lobster.

10. Tattoo – my girls’ initials in some funky design on my inner wrist.

I must say that I am pleasantly surprised at how well most of you did. I guess maybe I am not as hard to figure out as I had thought. And on to the winner. i dont have the actual points in front of me – but Ben did actually end up edging out noelle and emily by a point or two. Since I do all our itunes downloading, he will just have to tell me which songs he wants. But thanks to everyone for playing along!

I’m gonna come back to getting pierced. It just might need its own post.

Marijuana vending machines.

I really think this is an excellent idea. I am not sure why. I just think – hey, why not get your favorite vice from a machine that may or may not eat your quarters. I don’t even know if there are different "flavors" of marijuana. But i just think its a unique marketing concept. Maybe next we can have one of those "claw" machines where the prizes are like, a bottle of corona, a pack of cigs, maybe a couple doobies…cause, you know, the challenge is half the fun. Just a thought.

New Lipgloss!!!

Like, TOTALLY dude!

yes, I do realize how petty it is to blog about lip gloss. And that it makes me seem completely uncredible in the sense of true journalism

…but i am a lipgloss junky and when I find a good one, I wanna share it with everyone. So Emily whips out this tube of gloss the other nite at Bennigans and keeps applying it. And applying it. and applying it. I ask her if it tastes good and she shares that yes it does. So I run my little tush to Target yesterday and pick up my own tube. Sure enough – DELISH!!! Plus its uber shiney and glossy. Its perfect. Go pick some up for yourself. Except for the guys. Its definitely too glossy for guys. Stick with chapstick dudes.

Revealing Revelations.

this is a hard one. Maybe it goes along with my thoughts on piercing.

Emily and I went on Friday nite to get pierced. She got her nose done, I got a hoop in my ear cartilage. Nothing daring or over the top by any stretch of the imagination. And yet…

Piercing is cathartic.  Ben referred to it as self-inflicted pain. And yes it is. It is painful. not on par with unmedicated childbirth or breaking one’s acromion process off their collarbone, but painful nonetheless. it is an attempt to let out some of the pent up thoughts and frustrations and feelings that get trapped inside ones head. it is as if, by poking a hole somewhere in my body, I can be freed from some of my angst. As if by a tangible reminder of the pain on the outside, I can heal some pain from the inside. Or maybe i just want to feel tough. Or young. Or rebellious. Or maybe there just isn’t much to it at all than wanting another place to hang decorative jewelry on myself. I am not sure.

But I think i am getting closer to some definition of myself. Who I am, who i am meant to be, what i am trying to become. I am a busy person. I take joy and comfort in being busy = needed=valued. Do I need to look elsewhere for my sense of self-worth? I know it comes from God, from a relationship with Him. And yet, I think its more complex than that. Its finding a way to utilize all He has given to you, the gifts you are endowed with, and put them to use for the greatest possible good. Remember that Sunday School song about " Hide it under a bushel – NO!!! I’m gonna let it shine…". That’s what its about. Not hiding your gifts under the bushel of  self-consciousness, or busy-ness, or doing what other people think you should or should not be doing.

But obviously – i have a lot more to flesh out here.

So on to other shallower news.

I think I looked the flu bug in the eye and won this weekend. Felt like a P.O.S. all day Saturday, managed to feel good enough to teach Kidstown yesterday, and so far, feelin’ pretty good. We go back to the chiro office in a few hours, so I am sure all will be fine after that. Seriously, if you have never received chiropractic care (beyond just getting your neck cracked after an accident), you must look into it. It just makes sense. Your nerves are so vital to every aspect of your life. If they can’t properly send and receive signals from your brain to your spinal column because your neck and back are out of place and compressing their pathways, well, you got issues. I do’nt explain it very well, but check out our chiro’ s site linked above.  I think he has better info on there.

Anyways. I am rambling again. As usual.

Hope you all missed me. Cause I’m back in the saddle and got lots more to say. Stay tuned!

terra

Don’t worry – it only APPEARS like I have blogged this weekend.

 

These are just catch up posts meant to archive the new old posts from before we restored the database.

 

etc etc.

new info to come tomorrow.

Check back soon!!!!

 

February 17th, 2008

Through all of the craziness of the last few days with my blog, i have realized how much my friends mean to me. I was so touched by all of you who offered to help, by those who found old posts for me, by those who just listened to me rant even though they had NO CLUE what i was talking about with sql databases and xmlprc files and config overwrites. I was moved almost to tears by the efforts of a few of you, but one person I promised a special mention to! She will have a link in the sidebar. She has been a pal and a confidante and a mentor and a shoulder to cry on for two and a half years now.  I am so lucky to count her as a good friend. Thanks Kdawg. you know i would be lost without you to have found so many of my memories again.

Thanks to Josh and Grace who got me back up and going again. Josh is an awesome webmaster and if you ever need website services, logos, concept design – definitely check him out. Grace also offers excellent customer service and a lot of web detail help. I happily give my recommendation to both of them!

thanks to Bryan (who does’nt have a blog that I can find so i can hyperlink him here), who searched relentlessly to find my web archives. So very appreciated. I may have to rethink a certain poopie strategy now.

thanks to Ben, (who  also doesn’t have a blog)who although at first he didn’t understand why I was crying when my blog was broken, he did eventually get it, and let me just cry over my lost memories. And then told me to suck it up. No i am just kidding. He let me have a good hour to cry first.

and thanks to all of you who emailed your concern and stayed up with what the deal was.

So.

what was the deal?

Blah blah blah technical mumbojumbo blah blah. My blog is selfhosted on the server I have my domain through (terratalking is my domain, hosted by bluehost.) Some hacker found a weakness in the version of wordpress that I was running, and was able to insert code into my files that would make the gibberish show up as you found out on thursday. it was a spamming code. So every time you would click on my site, thousands of spam emails were being generated and sent. Hopefully not to any of you. But there you have it. That’s what was wrong. In order to fully delete the bug, we had to rip out the old files. That’s why everything is so bare right now. Hopefully by wednesday I will be able to have my old database restored and archived here.

and that’s what the deal was. I hope it never happens again. It was gut-wrenching to think that I had lost all those memories, the very journal of my existence over the past year. It really makes you rethink what is important to you though, and really think about how you are storing YOUR memories, whether its in pictures in boxes somewhere in a closet in your home, or scrapbook pages you store on the computer, or words written in a journal or on a blog. You learn from looking back at where you have been, and get a clearer picture of where you are trying to go.

And i think that’s about all I have to say about that.

peace out.

terra

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Happy Heart Day Bishes!!!

February 16th, 2008

I love Valentine’s Day. it makes me happy. i love the colors. the tastes. the happiness of everyone sharing love.

{do not get me started on the cut elittle webshots i had here that effing livewriter will not let me post with. the end.}

And really. Is it TOO MUCH to ask that the fricking Mars Bar company make the effing pink kit kats ALL YEAR LONG??? And in a shocking move, they chose to not make them at all this year. not that I can find. And believe me, i have searched EVERYWHERE. Those little suckers are addictive. Good thing I stocked up last year and have a bag left over to tide me through this year.

Evil i tell you – EVVVVILLLLLLL….

(As a side note, the amount of people who have also blogged about cherry kit kats is astounding. I think, if presidential candidates REALLY want us to vote for them , they might consider spending billions of dollars on cherry kit kats and just randomly tossing them out of helicopters emblazoned with the message " Vote for ____". It would definitely work for me.)

so anyways – on this gorgeous day of love for all and world peace, I am deep in the throes of valentine printing. I decided a LONG time ago that those cheezy store boughtoverpricedcartoonybranded pieces of cardstock were NOT good enough for my children. so I make them their own every year. Here’s this years:

Kealey’s – a bag topper. To go on top of little baggies full of all kinds of sugar-highs waiting to happen – bubble gum, kissables, conversation hearts and laffy taffy.

Crap. i think Photoshop closed on me when i was doing karissa’s. Gotta go redo that one real quick.

I am just gonna have to show you the finished product in a little bit cause now I am printin’ like a madwoman. I love my printer – i really do. its the 72 little separate ink tanks that I hate. They ALL choose random times to run out. So i am replacing at least one cartridge every week. Last Valentine’s day, I ran out of magenta, pink, red and black. The nite I was printing everything. BEFORE i started printing them. I think that machine is alive and it knows the exact colors I am needing, and decides to suck those dry.

But I digress.

i really have nothing funny to say today. So. let’s do this – oh this will be fun!

*clapclapclap*

Let’s play – How Well Do You Know Terra?

There are so many random people who read this blog – new friends, old friends, friends who are just old, high school friends, college friends, internet friends, family and complete strangers. So – just take a stab at the answers if you fall into the stranger danger category.

SERIOUSLY. I will even give out a

real prize for this.$10 to  ITUNES.

Just like the picture. Except not $50. Only ten. Cause that’s what I have right now in paypal.

Maybe later when i am rich you will get more. But for now, you beggars can’t be choosers.

So. Here is the quiz. On some categories I will narrow it down for you. On others, there are maybe 3-5 acceptable answers, and any of them will count as right. And if you think Ben is a shoe – in to win – well, you might be surprised. This is all about the details. the randomness. And having a good memory.

1.) How many bones have I broken in my life (and re-broken)?

- earn a bonus point if you know HOW I broke each of them!

2.)When I was 27 I had lived in how many houses?

3.) Name all 5 states I have lived in.

4.)Name any of the 5 majors i attempted to complete in college. Bonus points for remembering what my REAL goal in college was to become.

5.)my favorite movie. Now this is an extremely open ended question I realize. I have a lot of favorites. You can’t go wrong. But if you hit the nail on the head, you will get extra points. Even more points if you are able to drop a quote from that movie.

6.) along the same lines. My favorite song. There really is one song that kind of sums up my life philosophy. It’s not Christian. any more clues than that and i will give it away. If you know me AT ALL, you should have at least a good stab at this song.

7.) I win tickets to my dream concert. Its all my favorite bands/people. Who is there? I’ll make this one multiple choice since there are a grip of correct answers.

   a. Justin Timberlake, The indigo girls, Green Day

   b.) Boston (back before lead singer dude died), Violent Femmes, Marc Cohn

   c.) Green Day, Dropkick Murphys, and Michael Flatley

   d.) Billie Joe acoustic, JT on the piano, Indigo girls unplugged

8.) What kind of STarbucks am I? (what do I always order)

9.) My favorite meal ever. If i was on death row, this would be my last meal request so I could die happy.

10.) Where do I want a tattoo and what is it of?

I have oh so much more. But we’ll start with these.

You have to leave your answers in the comments. I expect all of you to play. SERIOUSLYYYYY.

ten ipod dolla.

i just went and blew a grip of ipod dolla myself. Sexy back the video, cannot BELIEVE i have lived without this – LoveStoned, Low, 1234, Bubbly and Piece of Me by mrs lifestyles of the rich and famous gone batshit crazy herself, ms. spears.

and there you go.

a happy valentines day indeedy.

more later. I got to run out and munch on some grubbage.

peace.

Dterra-minator

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And we’re back..

February 16th, 2008

Thanks to everyone who has been concerned about the whereabouts of terra talking!

We were hacked. I know, it makes no sense. I will explain everything in a post soon. Just testing to make sure we have all the elements in place here!

The wonderful witty satirical and sacreligious terra that you have all come to know and love will be back in action VERY SOON!

And then you can all take my Terra Quiz which I so lovingly prepared on Valentine’s day.

I know. Too much fun to handle on a saturday.

back in a flash!

t

February 19th, 2008

Shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behavior!!!

I am not talking about anything in particular. Just quoting a line from an awesome movie i watched last nite. If you haven’t seen it – you must. if you have seen it – then you know instantly what movie it is.

PHEW. Lots O pics to share with you today.

first – my thoughts on this. Breakfast cereal. LOOK at all that sugar. No wonder my kids bounce off the walls! i HATE the scrungy-crumbs that stay in the bottom of the bag! NASTY! Just thought i’d share this for your viewing pleasure. I spent entirely too much time editing this photo for web viewing.

I wonder if enterprising young drug dealers of america could use this sugary consumption to deliver a sub-par product that looks and smells like the real thing…

Second up -

Our Valentine’s present from Ben. Try to not be too distracted by my open cabinet in the background. Honestly. Who does that?

The roses were beautiful – thanks B! (in case you can’t tell from the arrangement, there are a dozen large red roses in the back for me, and the girls each got their own vase of two fire-and-ice roses – very pretty!)

In all the hubbub of losing my blog, I forgot to blog about these!

And now for a few of the Baby Budget – who unfortunately becomes my de facto photography model for all new things because, well, she is the one with the least weighted opinion on whether or not she GETS to participate! I cannot believe how very fast this little peanut is growing! I still remember when they put her in my arms after delivery thinking – oh my lord! She’s not fully grown! And then the months of trying to find something, ANYTHING, to fit her! She had  3 preemie outfits that fit her for the first month of life, plus two outfits from the girls’ Build-a-Bears. She still is pretty little in size, but man she is growin’ like a weed!

but you’re never too big to fit in a good large coffee cup.

“Excuse me miss, I believe I ordered the LARGE cappucino!”

And just cause I never turn any pics b/w – here’s a quick one. (Just for you Noelle!)

We have quite a few baby shoots scheduled over the next couple of weekends so – its prop central over here! Can’t wait to post some more cute ones over on our business blog .

which it looks like is unfortunately suffering from the same hack that got this blog, but is right now contained. JOSH! Need major help stat to fix that one when you get two free seconds.

And in our final piece of news from this past weekend…

Little missy lost her third tooth! Check out that gap on top! Surprised  she doesn’t whistle like the metra with every syllable that escapes her lips! It got knocked out by daddy’s jeans when she was trying to do a flip through his arms (don’t ask – its a dangerous and complicated exercise which Ben has perpetuated since her infancy). Anyways – the tooth went flying…under the fridge. JUST as she was about to enter full-on meltdown mode for fear that she would miss out on the all-important tooth fairy visit (plus the dollar)…Ben was able to rescue the tooth. Or at least a crumb of something that resembled a tooth…

My baby girl is so grown up. I cannot believe she will be 6 next week. Ok i’ll save that sappy post for next week.

More to come! i will answer the blog quiz tomorrow. But i might have more to say later on today. You’ll just have to wait and see.

Happy Rex Manning Day!
TERRA

Josh – your comment is STILL making me bust out laughing at random times. Thanks little bro.

today is a randomly boring and blah day. I do love that it is snowing. i hate that i am stuck inside though since Ben is using my powermobile to get around the city. And I am not really up for cruisin’ around the ‘brook in the maxima with three kids stuffed in the backseat like cabbage rolls. So its a good excuse to stay ensconced in my pajamas and eat out of a big bowl of pasta salad all day long. Cause i need an excuse to do that.

anyways. so the snow. It always seems like good things happen when it snows. Just little pick-me-ups that are very much needed and come in God’s perfect timing.

I feel like there is so much spinning through my brain right now that I don’t even know how to get it all out. Where to start. Plus – there are all of a sudden a lot more of you reading this little project of mine. How does that Anna Nalick song go … "these words are my diary screaming out loud."

Yeah.

that’s how it feels.

But if i can’t really be real and open and honest about what I am feeling and thinking, and growing and changing, then what good is it? what good is anything? In church our pastor has been talking about breaking down barriers. And I think one of my biggest barriers is "normal" people. normal people, when you really take the time to get to know them on a one on one basis, aren’t usually so normal. But how often do we do that? Especially in a place like church. So i lump "all the people I do’nt really know" into a group of "normal people". And most normal people are fake. Ish. There is just – well, a barrier there. a barrier of fakeness, of not really letting anyone else see what is really going on. Of keeping up pretenses. Of trying to be someone or something that they really are not. And oh lord do I hope that I am not that. I so desperately never want to be that. I think I can say with some certainty that what you see is what you get with me. Sure, I filter things differently for different crowds and situations. I think that’s what a little maturity will get you. But for the most part, i am always me.

But the really hard part of that is this – who am i?

Should I not be still going through this at the age of thirtysomething?

I am either losing touch with my real self, which is some earlier representation of the me I am now…

or i am changing into the me I am meant to be.

I feel metamorphosisy.

My house is my coccoon, my pajamas are my chrysallis.

That’s some deep shizznit, man. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

But seriously.

Trust me about the sunscreen. – Mary Schmich

 

I am just in shock.

I mean honestly.

Who could be so CRUEL?  I used to have an evil Easter Bunny statue in my yard, but I took it down to use as a white elephant gift for our small group last December. i just never thought that my lack of religious yard ornaments could come to this.

Its just so shocking.

And heartbreaking.

I just do’nt know what I am going to do now. The yard ornament places are all closed for at least another two months. The poopie is going to start stacking up. Pretty soon we will have a poopie snowman in our front yard, just stacks of frozen poopie. Dumped there. 

 

A Jesus statue.

Is our "leaning like a cholo" snowman not GOOD ENOUGH for you people???

*Sigh*.

 

I know the perpetrator of this hate crime has been stalking the blog WAITING for me to make reference to it. So there you go. Hope it brings a smile to your face!

I was dying laughing when I got it. I instantly had it narrowed down to 3 top suspects, and no, you were not on my top three list. you were a surprise competitor. Now you are moved to the top of my list for any future pranks from here on out. Just watch your back man -

Watch.

Your.

Back.

Cause I DO have a dog. And I DO know where you live.I am kind of scared about you figuring out where I live, but I  guess its easy enough to figure out. Get a little brain fuel in some sushi and badda-bing – instant smartness. Thanks for the laugh though! I have newfound respect for the levels of your weird humor.

In other news.

A weekend summary from the girls. Its always so fun to empty off the memory card and see what they were doing with the camera! The really funny thing is – every once in a while they manage to take a kind of cool picture.

With the antarctic like temperatures around here, we didn’t do much of anything. Ben cleaned out the basement. I am scared to go down and see it. His idea of "trash" and my idea of trash are two completely separate ends of the spectrum. All of my trash has memories attached to it. I hold on to things for ridiculous reasons. I know this about myself, and yet I just can’t bring myself to throw away things that MIGHT have a purpose again. This is, unfortunately, but one of my many pychoses. The thing is, I am aware of it. So when I am ready for step two (actually fixing it), I’ll know what to address. Until then, I rather enjoy my packratty ways. Plus, if there is ever a nuclear war, we are all set with random objects by which to create a new bartering system when the world is restored.

Ok so I missed my satellite dude’s appointment today. whoops. They are going to try to send him back out this way. Fingers crossed. Its not like we watch TV in the basement a whole lot, but its the principle of the fact that i am PAYING to watch it down there. And I can’t. So i want to. Hence the need for Hector to find his way back to the ‘brook.

The Lent/Coke thing. This is effing hard. (I am quite sure that was Christ’s thought on his way up the Via DellaRosa also.) I realize that there are just certain events that trigger a need to have a coke. And overcoming the urge at those times is really requiring all of my willpower. not even a week yet and it feels like a month. forty days is looking like an eternity at this point. and I need to know. Does lent go until good friday at sundown? or is it easter morning? cause either way – i am having a coke the SECOND it is allowed.

Kaylen was up THREE TIMES last nite. I do not know how much longer I can keep up with her. i am a zombie in the mornings.And the amount of coffee i would need to consume to combat this zombiness is ridiculous. So i just need to pray harder that shefigures out her sleep pattern soon. Either that or I am going to pay our chiropractor to move in with us. I am sure his wife won’t mind. then he can just adjust kaylen periodically throughout the day and she will, in theory, sleep like a baby at nite. I have no idea WHAT she is sleeping like right now, but it certainly isn’t a baby. What a gay saying anyways. NONE of my babies have ever slept like "babies". Perhaps all the caffeine I consumed during their gestations was having an adverse effect afterall. Thoughts to ponder.

Well i am procrastinating on work. As usual.  So back to the grind I go.

If any of you get brave enough to ACTUALLY LEAVE A COMMENT – tell me, why do you read this blog? Just curious.

Dip trip flip fantasia.

T

Well, actually, I have many. From being 5th in the National Spelling Bee to helping my uncle Dan sell walkie-talkies on National Television (QVC), I am a very well-rounded individual. But when it comes to this little humble abode on the Tres-Dub (let me know when you get that one)…my claim to fame is this:

Moochie Pootie.

I must get about 5 hits a day for people searching moochie pootie on the internet. For the uninformed, moochie and pootie are two japanimation type characters on the WACKED out show, Yo Gabba Gabba. I think they are supposed to be like, good and bad, or naughty and nice or something. Cause pootie is always, well, pootie. Pouty. anyways. I have put way too much thought in this already. But in the 3 hours I was trying to compose this post, i got about 5 more hits searching for moochie pootie. And its cause its one of my nicknames for Kaylen Hope. She’s just so FUSSY – I took to calling her moochie pootie. There really is no rhyme or reason to it, I know. It just is. I really do wonder what the poor souls who are searching for moochie pootie think when they land here in this land of…crazy talk and random ramblings. Or why they’re searching for moochie pootie in the first place.

So someday when I do a "favorite google searches that resulted with my blog" awards, this will be up there. Along with a recent Frenchperson who was searching for "hogtie the kids" (and we wonder why they hate americans, cause all we do is hogtie our kids apparently), and "how to stay calm while pooping". Yes folks, you really CAN find it all right here at terratalking dot com.

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!  STOP THE PRESSES!!!

 

While I was composing this post, I got an email from AMY FREEZE!!!!

Apparently she has some kind of auto-bot blogsearch program that crawls the web for specific references (or maybe just a paid assistant), and of course her name popped up here in my last post so she left me a COMMENT! Go see it! Its for real! I triple checked her IP, went to her website via various routes, and checked the MyFox website. IT WAS HER! I feel like I got a celebrity autograph! (Please do’nt burst my bubble and tell me it was probably just her assistant that emailed me. I prefer to live in my own little world where a real live celebrity actually wrote to me.)

And I have already apologized to her in person (well, ok in email cause I think she would think I was a crazed stalker if i actually rang her up or met her for some starbucks) for my rude comments regarding her name. apparently I owe you all 200 lbs of chocolate because Freeze IS indeed her last name.

So Ms. Freeze, again, I am very sorry for taking your name in vain, making rude comments, and being in general, insensitive to your name. sincerely.

I still think she is the rockingest meteorologist out there, which is why we continue to watch Fox news every nite. Go visit her site by clicking above, or on the sidebar, to which I have added her website. Watch out. She got me to actually add something to my sidebar. i might just get a wild hair up my *youknowwhat* and decide to really start sprucing up the place.

I need to go prepare some pictures to add to my post. And calm down from my excitement at having an email from Amy Freeze!

Hope you all have a good Saturday!

And I leave you with the number one reason you should not leave my father unsupervised with access to a mac with Photobooth.

 

Its britney bishes.

the terrarist

Ok I have received a few suggestions for blog topics from my faithful readers.

Now, this could be for one of two reasons:

either, I bore the ever-loving snot out of you with my rambings and rantings on daily life here in the nuthouse,

OR, youwant to be dazzled by my facetiously witty satirical view on these topics.

 

I’m gonna go with number two. Cause I need an ego boost like that.

The first topic up for suggestion is the fact that the reason we are getting so much snow in these here parts is cause of the corn. Now stay with me here.

In the summer, most of Illinois is covered with corn. I’m assuming the majority of it is feed corn, but being that my major in college was NOT Ag-science and i was NOT a member of a 4-H club, or any number of H club for that matter, I don’t know this for sure. But I pride myself on always having an answer for EVERYTHING. Whether or not its the RIGHT answer is another story. But you could easily ask me any question and get a somewhat informed sounding answer back. Try it. You’ll be dazzled I promise. anyhoo…

the corn + the winter = snow. This is the theory set forth by my own personal spatial genius husband, ben.  the theory is such – in the summer, when the corn is "knee high by the fourth of july", it begins to hold moisture to the ground in order to have enough water to keep growing, etc. And if you have ever driven THROUGH corn-land, you’ll know what I mean. Drive down the crappily maintained "Ro-DAY-o Drive" of bolingbrook with the windows down on any given summer day, and there is a marked difference in the humidity level in between the corn fields. So this humidity helped pull moisture down into the earth all summer, and of course this past summer, the corn grew like roger clemens on steroids. I’m losing my own train of thought here so i’ll try to make this brief.

the moisture this summer kept the earth around suburban chicago , where we do NOT enjoy lake effect snow typically, moister than usual, and therefore, when storm clouds are passing over, they are reacting to the moister warmer earth that isn’t as frozen as it usually is, and therefore, is dumping more snow than normal.

got it? good. a theory guaranteed to stand up to even the most knowledgeable of meteorologists. Like ms. amy freeze on fox news chicago. I bet you my own weight in chocolate that that woman changed her name for TV. If not, its a good thing she went into meteorology. I think only being a cop would be a second best job.

what’s your name?

amy FREEZE! (everyone in the room puts their hands up). No, FREEZE.

Ok again I digress.

Up next for discussion. The video above. Now, if i was actually smart today, and did not manage to crash the entire bluehost server by loading this video onto ye olde blogge, then you should be able to view it.

Go on. I’ll wait.

………………………………

oh you’re back already? ok let’s discuss this shall we?

First – the fact that this made the news somewhere. Honestly? did i miss something? Where did this make the news, bedford falls? I expected to see the Beav riding his Schwinn down the street any second. God bless america if we really HAVE run out of bad things to report and are now filming people’s Jesus statues going missing.

Second. Weiner Poopie.

I’m speechless. I can’t believe the woman could read the letter with a straight face. I would have been cackling so hard I couldn’t breathe when I read it. Plus with a TVcamera in my face? Oh yeah. Fits of laughter fo shiz.

Third. I am not quite sure how "poop in my yard" = "steal their statue". I mean, there is this one dog down the street from us who ALWAYS takes a crap in our front yard. My first line of defense is not going to be go down the street, steal Jesus from their yard, and leave a note that my kindergartner penned herself. Complete with poopie reference. I mean, first, I’d go with like a HUGE sign in my front yard that says "Yo, dude with the rat dog – let little bruiser crap in my yard again and he’s gonna yo quiero the bottom of my foot." Barring that, I’d probably just stop the guy  again and have an adult conversation with him about the rudeness of letting his dog do that, and hand him a plastic bag to start scrapin’. Lastly, I’d reciprocate. Our dog takes some scientifically impossible sized fecal releases; i’d scoop up somma dat and leave a nice little package on mr. poopie-pants’ front yard.

I can’t believe I just poured ten minutes of my life into planning out that hypothetical situation.

but there you have it – my thoughts on suggested topics.

 

Now on to today.

Uhhhhhh….

 

oh yeah. nothing exciting today. It would be REALLY neat if my hair would dry sometime today so I can actually style it. Then I might actually be able to leave the house. Big aspirations you know.

My new little nephew was born Tuesday nite! But as of yet, I still have no pictures so I cannot blog about him.

our website hit 100 visitors yesterday – total for the day was actually 115. But that made me happy. Its the little things you know?

I think we’re going to do valentine’s pictures today for the girls. Mostly cause they want the huge heart suckers that I got for props. So i’ll have lots of new pics to share tomorrow.

If I get any lesss boring, I’ll be sure to come post about it.

Upside down and inside out

ima show all you folks what its all about

now its time for me to get on the mic and make this mother_

party hype say

WHOOMP

there it is.

T

Finally.

Huge Huge Thank You’s to my awesome brother – Josh – for all of his hard work and follow up. I can actually see him sitting at his computer chewing on his stubbed up fingers sideways while he is trying to fix all the computer things I screw up on our website.

But at long awaited last – I present to you my newest baby…

2Sisters Photography

shoot. i messed up my font settings interminably now.

ok,. yay for you. you get to read the rest of this post in THIS font at THIS color. Hope you have good eye insurance.

Speaking of eye insurance…

nah. you don’t wanna get me started on the fact that the cast of "I am NOT smarter than a 5th Grader", led by their fearless leader, Ima Dimwit, works at the Macy’s optical at the mall. You know that scene in "Tommy Boy" where the flight attendant tells Richard "ummm let’s see, I can get you on a 3:00 to Salt Lake City!" ( – except they’re trying to get to chicago by 1:00 – yeah. that is how this place is.

I just want my friggin contacts.

Actually I just want eye surgery but that’s unlikely to happen in the near future. Short of Ben actually winning the lottery like his career plans involve.

Ok is this any better?

that was getting full-on annoying.

 

So in other news…

hmmm. I am thinking about giving up coke for lent. There are two problems with this:

1.) I am seriously addicted to the stuff. it calls my name I swear to you.

2.) I have really little to no idea how this whole Lent thing works. i am not even sure what religion you have to be to observe Lent. I think Catholic. If any of you know more than me about it – PLEASE enlighten me. I am thinking I am on the right track with my reasoning for it – in that you’re supposed to give up something in order to fully concentrate on and appreciate the sacrifice Christ made on his last days on earth before dying on the cross for us. But after that i am a little fuzzy on the details.

I have this spot on my cheek that is like, it feels like frostbite there or something. Its weird. And super-annoying. I hope its not eczema or something. Cause how bad would that suck? Its just really weird.

Oh – this is kickass. Ben got my Christmas present installed this weekend! Its an auto-connector-thingamajig so that my Ipod plays through the car speakers. This is awesome on two levels.

1.) I had to keep an extra pack of 25 fuses in the car at all times because the Belkin plug in one that goes in the car lighter and you use the radio stations to play it – yeah, kept shorting out the fuse every time it would fall out. Which it would do every time i took a corner too fast. Which, if you’ve ever had the privilege of driving with me, you know occurs at just about every corner. On RAILS baby, rails. so anyways – problem solved. I no longer have to install a new fuse every time I park the car.

2.) the sound quality is a gojillion times better. Being in a large metro area, there just really aren’t any open radio stations. So I’d be jammin’ along to like, a little Thunderstruck by Angus and the boys, and BAM – Sister Angelica who is sharing the path to celibacy over the airwaves chimes in with a nice little dissertation on Deuteronomy 13. It just doesn’t work. so i have my bass back again. And Sister Angelica can go back to her Deuteronomizing.

I need to get some more tunes loaded on there. I mean, realistically, I listen to the same 25 songs over and over again, as evidenced by my "top 25 songs" playlist that I keep it tuned to. But every once in a while, I get a wild hair to listen to something different. Something I haven’t heard in a while. Man, back in the day before everyone got all up in arms over piracy and whatnot, and napster was still in its heyday…i had about 683 songs downloaded. To my work computer. It rocked. It was the single solitary reason I was sad to leave that job. I shoulda just packed up the tower with me. I mean, it probably ran on about a half gig of ram. Its utterly useless and obsolete now. I can just about guaran-diddlydang-tee you that its sitting in the back room with lots of other obsolete equipment. BUT IT HAS SO MANY KICKASS SONGS ON IT!!! someone needs to go rescue it.

Karissa is really into drawing "Lakes" lately. I have no idea where this came from. But periodically throughout the day I will hav e pictures brought to me of variously sized and shaped, well, we’ll call them circles, that are filled in, loosely defined boundaries, different colors. Its weird. Its always a lake. I don’t know if she even has ever seen a lake. Unless she is referring to the drainage pond behind our neighborhood. She’s a funny kid though.

Here she is with her speech teacher, Miss Tina.

She finally graduated from speech services! I am proud of her. Its been a really long battle for that kid with her ears, surgery, and then speech therapy for the last year and a half. But last Thursday she was deemed to be "on a level concurrent with peers". And so she is released to the world. I still do’nt understand a good 30% of what that kid says. But you take what you get I guess!

Kealey….hasn’t….really done anything funny lately. I mean, she always is making me laugh. But nothing off the top of my head right now. She is definitely growing out of the "baby girl" stage and becoming a little girl. she is getting very excited to celebrate her birthday downtown at American Girl Place with a few friends and family. This picture: Guess who learned the – ‘hold the camera at arms length and smile" secret to self-portraits? there is a whole folder on my computer of random shots her and karissa took one day with my little P&S. too funny.

Kaylen – my immune-system-less baby. STILL fighting the ear infection from hell. Had the lovely experience of getting a$50 GENERIC prescription from the pharmacy last nite. God bless the makers of generic drugs. That sucker woulda been at least $200 for a name brand. and we have GOOD INSURANCE!!! If this round of antibiotics does not knock out every possible illness she has or will contract in the next three months, I am going to be very upset. In good news though, I think that first tooth is FINALLY making its way through to the surface. Let us all bow our heads and observe a moment of silent pleas to the god of skinny punks that this means she will SLEEP again.

Holy long post batman. And i haven’t even added any pictures yet.

Ok I gots to go make lunch. I am serving a gourmet course of generic cereal today. Get in line.

I rock a mean bowl of Berry Colossal Crunch.

Till next time Betty’s -

T-crest out